index
Brahma_Yoga_F-Meaning_Part_29

7/2012. The day or so after me picking the UK, the Italian person after some unsuccessful tries, has put up an argument on the table that I might not be able to beat, though it's true that I have absolutely nothing in Italy and do not even fit in and it's theoretically even impossible as I am too hot and my possibility of getting there is small as well as putting time on Italian study or going there with a lack of it and then do main time study if getting in, it's all a joke, has not sense at it all as nothing in Italy for me, even worse than that as it's not good for me getting the work things good, or even the flat things, and being an outsider and lacking language ability, being extra hot, too hot; I mean three main things at least: 1) I am too hot to go there, 2) I am unlikely going to get there, 3) need to suffer the lack of language (and work, and flats maybe) and to study it further when I should do no such thing, 4) there is nothing for me, absolutely nothing. It's just impossible for any man with any intelligence to even think of going in Italy in my situation. But the Italian person is saying that there is no meaning in life if I don't pick the Italian person, it not fitting in my emotional life (and what good is that but some warm extra hotness inside and some emotions, and one is more sensitive and so shaken about some area of things - but less shaken about factual detail things and instead moving with the power of the heart/emotions blinding its factuality - as well as having less hard factor intelligence that is way the more important factor in basic needs). The problem, the problem is that the Italian person has no sense at all, it just getting blinded or being the blinded of the Italian person, like someone who is in some sort of a love, being blind, and it sure blinds all views, just blinds and dominates them. Italy is impossible, but so even if it's impossible, then I just pick it and live in Finland and then die and then just maybe next life move in Italy though why would I move in there when the better pick is the UK/Australia/Canada. It has all been cleared out by the UK persona or so, all picks up to the most detail has been picked for my life in this life as well as to the next, and it's all the best picks and it can't be argued against that they are not as there is no other path that is better, and it's the only path that is good for me also, the rest being simply bad and up to very bad, like picking the Italian person that results in nothing but factual pain and probably staying in Finland and overloaded from the Italian persona too. One also might pick any love things though they are not the best for one's life nor the absolutes, and I know what's best for my life and what are the absolutes/optimals, I know what the best picks are and the Italian person is wrong on all factual things and even on its misplaced love or so. It's just another persona pick, basing its value to something else completely and that something else is factually very small and very bad for my life, or at least in this life it is very bad, while it's not the best factual pick in my next life either. I could play the game and learn some Italian, though maybe not much time anymore and give Italy a try and then come back when I didn't got there and that's it then, something for the Italian person to see hard light then and suffer all the hard factual things it will face now and later for years to come and more. The Italian person is saying that do I like sitting in a cold bath the rest of my life, in darkness and sadness with the heart, no meaning, in the UK? Well, I don't think the case is that bad and it's the optimal and the balance and my best pick now and forever, and even if it would have those negatives too, it's my situation and there are positives too, though not that they will be felt anywhere is those negatives are true, and they might be for the Italian person until it dies and there is only the UK person. The Italian person is not giving up on some counter arguments even to the facts, and it's a good argument but very bold and even not true, but it's a reasonable argument that a man with a red face would be happier in Italy than a white man in the UK, though I just mean that red face being lesser of a factors than being white in the UK. But I have seen it a long time and recently that all the factual things are loses or worse in Italy for me, though how much they can be worse in Italy is what the Italin person is trying to argue about, it being a reasonable cost, and what can I say to that in the cold bath vs. being hot in Italy, but I am not okay to pick Italy and it's not only that but there are millions of factors for the UK with extensions and millions of factors against Italy personally and another millions generally, so I am not going to accept any argument that any lose would be acceptable for picking Italy, and even if one factors would be marginally acceptable to take some lose for the sake if Italian persona, it's still just some and from one factor from millions, so I am not going to accept any hard factor being on the scale of the Italian person, them all being in the UK with extensions and it's only about the heart, if the heart in the UK is so bad that it's impossible for me to pick the UK with extensions and must try to pick Italy (even though it won't succeed and would be with major loses on millions of areas). I can put a lot of factors to think about that are good and makes me feel better about the UK with extension, against just the Italian person itself, that can't even count Italian as a major factor only because it's written correctly, that's a rather minor reason against a mountain of reasons on the other scale. And what is this persona thing, how can it be so in the UK and so different in Italy, all happening in my imagination, that makes it real, but how can it be, the factual things in Italy being just like they are anywhere similar, there are buildings and the weather and it's nothing much or actually anything, it just is like a dead moon, and dead it is, like a moon looked on the white area, it being dead and up to nirvanic, dead, while only some clear pink gives it life, like to anything, while at red core it and everything is covered with too much redness and it won't look like magic though not dead, just that one might not see it all all really. So, just like magic, though real, and that's the problem; real or not, significant or not, but still it's impossible for me top take or get though I could try, but is it real, and how often I am the Italian person in Italy then, the usual half the time, well I did figure there is no one that is that sad in Italy when both those personas are there but in the UK, it's different or looks like to be different. But those are logical reasons, that would make Italy better but there are other reasons, e.g. it's impossible and non-fitting to my situation. But the Italian person still thinks that as I am not dead, how can it be impossible to try , and what argument I possibly could have against of being overall more happy with the Italian pick even if I am that just half the time or something, and is being hot and red and with one leg dragging or something like that enough of a reason for not being happier, and has the UK person shown truly that one would be happier in the UK? It hasn't shown anything but the opposite as the major, though as some times, just when making the pick, when it's still new, but so is the Italian pick a new when it comes again from the grave after the UK pick. So, do I have to think magic is true and I am a half persona and need to pick the average (Italy) and with like any factual costs and even when it's impossible and needing to stay in Finland, though it's not saying I can try to UK later if the try in Italy fails, as it's going to, and Italy is the magic connection, can be the UK person without it, so it seems, and it's in Finland also, like the UK persona, both in a magical way, as now-then/there. This is entirely a case about personas as the Italian persona can't go in the UK and half the time or so I can't go in the UK, and the Italian persona won't die, at least not until I have got into it and seen it's all fake, but if I don't succeed in that, then what can I do but try Italy, though it's impossible, but in the next life things are better and if I am still in this situation I am better and will pick Italy because the Italian persona in me prefers it, but how come it isn't happy about Australia? is it scared of it's emptiness (there are just two or so big cities though maybe more later and those at least have action though the other is hot and summer all year and the other is Sydney, costs more just perhaps though maybe not if not living central, that I am in theory not going to but still the clear picks can cost enough just maybe and the huge emptinesses around need further investigations. The smaller places might lack action even if 1M or even 2M). The Italian person things/feels that its heart isn't there in Australia, that's up top perfect but clinical, that though is a nice aspect of English, clinical and cool, clear sort of in that aspect while some Italian is some spaghetti, that the English just looks like to be but doesn't feel like to be. The Italian persona doesn't differ from the concept of ESFP, that also is picking itself, in the place it feels the best and no matter if it's magic or a fiction, that it picks even if it's just a dream it still is sure real for it and the persona is real, so that's the basic situation and the only way to do something about it is to bust the likings of those personas, and I bet that is not going to happen that it's basically universal and it has been holding a lifetime in many people and hasn't died in my case either. Then there is the possibility that the UK persona is happy in the UK and has plenty to support itself with extensions or without, and adding the real life situation of mine, what's best for me factually or possible even, not just what is some persona thing and likings, but what the best for me and possible or realistic, but those personas do not care about the facts until they are too bad, and the Italian persona doesn't think it's too bad for a man with one hand to go boxing for the world championships with two years of training and no talent, and having nothing to eat or drink for a long time and say to continue so for several more times. It still says that why not try, maybe one gets lucky and comes alive at the other end of the path and after all that beating along the way, just that its heart would be happy some of the time because it feels good being around. It says that that's the best for me and the outer and inner factors are secondary and that I am just a pussy cat of not going for it and living it even it it fails and staying in Finland if have to or going in the UK then if it fails and any costs of being in that persona are no costs as it's the meaning, it's one's best life, it being the thing, and anything else is going in a wrong place and there is no factual best other than when the factual best of the other option is worse from what it is now. Looks great but isn't the Italian person just a persona and so optional, though it's apart in me, but does it need to stay so and isn't it the one that make the UK with extensions feel bad, when in reality it's just an alternate persona and that persona fits best to my situation and is factually the best, and there is no pick of personas possible and say one is worse than the other, and the only way to make a pick is by the current or so situation and by the factual things. But okay, I can agree that the Italian person can't live in the UK, no such nf possible for it there, but that's all, it being about the pick of a persona, and can I make a pick, I don't have time for looking that for tens of years, so I just think I am, both and the time the UK persona comes up is when the factual things are shaken in one way or the other, and so I might think it's right then, and at other times the Italian person is right, them being like the Deities, but which one is right on average; the UK persona most sure, though I am not shaken most of the time or half the time, but it still doesn't mean things are not bad all the time. I am not going to invest major time to Italian study so if I am to get there I get there with whatever Italian I know, and if it all looks hopeless there or I simply can't take the path it being too hard for me, more than I can handle, then I just have to give up, though it says then that learn more Italian, try Rome, try Turin, and so it continues, try as long as possible and then go in the UK when it all fails, though what I am going to do there then when the pick has basically been made as Italian and the down emotions might be worse in the UK than in Finland, and they will be down but Finland without any future here would also be rather bad and I have seen goods in the UK that I be better there instead, even only there with no extension, but I will be then like 55 years old, when I could be there as 45 if all would go straight and that is factually the best thing for me to do, the Italian thing just being crazy, a huge mess with as many things wrong as there are spaghetties in one pack. The Italian person is a minority thing coming in between saying like that love is the greatest and it makes no sense in the whole picture at all, it being just a person out of its situational mind, a nutcase, some pazzo from Italy (an ENFP I suspect, as a spirit, and I can't handle EP with N, though that's not really the meaning issue to it, and as a real persona I am an S-INTP and the novelty that fits to that as the opposite is (S-)INFJ, that's also cooler in a way, the hotness not being all out like with the ENFPs, that though also are cold as a result of the Ne/Fi, the view on the left and with N-load, while e.g. NTs have the view at the T-right also, making them to be in the middle [the Ne's secondarily bit more on the left as they are visual and the Ni's are not visual and have the Te also], and the STs basically have their view at the T-right [with the same other details as with the NTs, and NFs and SFs, and the Js have the T/F on the top where they are more while the Ps have the N/S on the top where they are more, and these too can be seen as exact functions on the other person, not just what they overall look like], and all these without going into details and other factors of the functions, it being the main picture, or in my view it is the main picture and can be seen, the N is depth and on the left, while the T is on the right and the F on the left and much is seen on the color or the skin also).

The NF-Italian entered into my system not only from the increased nf-aspect in my balance and the limbo S-INTP but also and maybe mainly when the ESFP started to get more N from me coming more back to the INTP, in between there were the Italian NF-delights also, with flying, that's not what SeFi does as it can't fly (N/Ne), just enough Italian (and Italy, Australia as weather) as SeFi it delights in, and the NF-Italian was there mainly at the end of 2009 when I was in between ESFP and nf generally also (with people, of London, being the issue) and so the contradiction had entered to what was clear for like two years at the SeFi, no contradiction, just Italy and Italian, and then the nf-people of the London that came with the general nf though entering from becoming some more INTP or maybe not yet, but there was research and that put the X-load to the L6, and then it's N, and the Italian got the NF too, that was all in favor of Italy, but both aspect also have people/black heart needs (I was at white also) and with the X-load and no balance of it, the need is more there, but with things okay there, like in balance and living in non-white, and it's not that the people needed to be in London, English, global, and I figured that at that time I made it Rome in theory, but then came the factual things that again made a contradiction and put it in London, English, global, though for more or less completely different reasons, and I did then finally bust those reasons and picked a rather balanced life instead on Italy and Italian person, that can do also but without the downsides of too much (NT) and too little nf, too cold, so that was a good pick, again busting the London, UK, global, English, but it didn't bust it as the possibilities and doings still came back, with a more practical and possible pick and with extensions (that was important too), and though I don't know how it came back with the reasons basically already busted, there were many changes in positives of Italy and Italian getting some negatives and the negatives of the UK (with extensions) and English got more positives, maybe some minor but some near main things getting some closer a possibility, and now it has just been a question if the Italian person can handle that, and I know it can't, while can it die, as I am not it, or am I, not as a past right here, but basically it's a bug, but still, I have entered the ESFP also, it being in me, just under my NiTe (functionally that happens also to be the case), and then there is an nf-aspect in my persona also, from X-balance and limbo and with the Italian persona I get more E, expansion, too, though I don't necessarily count those as E and I as I am still an I with that very major and clear expansions compared to the UK persona where I get even more 'I' than I am in Finland with no UK nor Italian persona, and that persona Finland is what I am when not too much either one, when I get more distance to them, but still they change pretty often these days, but I have been much the last two months in the Italian territory and been too hot 3/4 of it clearly, having some variations normal in between as the system also unloads at time, and heats more at times, and then when it unloads heat, then one is most hot, but not necessarily for more than a day or two though if all left unloaded it can be like two weeks and more and as I am too hot I am not really ever cool enough but at the lowest point of the variation like 1/4 of the time perhaps, though staying out of the sun (more so of it than the heat I think) when inside especially as outside there can be wind/one moves (such a half so outside work would be fine or then all closed of the sun, and maybe even some maybe cooler show work, though maybe not fit to me as I am too busto but it's difficult anyway, especially if not in the UK persona that makes me smaller and cooler, and is really the only factually possible way until walking over the psychological laws and factual possibilities; the inner and outer laws. Though maybe it's not all that bad factually, but I think the Italian person is unreasonable, and it is so as its nature as it's a feeler (nf, and sefi too), and it just can't get it into its head that what the situation factually demands, it not having enough opposite powers and I can't give it any more, and so it thinks there is some possibility still, as if it wouldn't, it wouldn't go insisting to go after what is not realistic, but to it realistic is whatever isn't impossible, and I suppose that's a nice ability to have, keeping one on the course as life isn't easy on that point, but it sure can't be called a realist. And I know for a fact that the best factual pick is in the UK with extensions. The problem also is, that even if I would pick the will of the Italian persona, I wouldn't be it more than up to half the time, though I would be half so as I am not in the whole and I am not out of the nf all, and I have called that Finland persona but it might be the one in between the 'I' and the E personas without making it specific what the I persona is as it's not the same in Finland as it's in the UK, the UK one being more in the hole, something like an IJ as it's an I but with no Te/Fe and so most introverted but as Se/Ne, that are then they eyes (and awareness) looking from that inside-inside person and even the IPs look more extroverted - Te/Fe and maybe even Si as rooted on life/earth but the Te/Fe is there also - when looking from the IJ-direction of the UK persona, though not that it's like that as a whole and when looking it from the IP-box direction though I have seen introverted aspects too that would support it but then again I am not as much on the IP as one generally is as an INTP, though I am still in that basic pack. Finland like IP, the UK like IJ (and EJ), and Italy like EP, that being how it has been for me and doesn't make major sense really though some, but that's how it has been to/for me in a major way. And of all of those I feel the best with the Italian persona but I am not ready to that as I am too hot - when I x-cool some I am at the IP though not as full but as main(s) and though it gets some better I am still hot and only the UK can cool me down enough but then I might not feel okay enough e.g. like being too much at the left then just that it's otherwise optimal to me but is it optimal for me to be so as X/x-mind isn't clear and basically isn't as if it would be I would have picked the UK already permanently but as I am afraid of ghosts I might not - and the case is only about the nf - and sefi - basically, and the UK persona being the best optimal to my heat and is also the best factual pick with the extensions or even without them as London is the center of the universe and the only English place one might get without the point system as long as one is or gets the EU-nationality. The Australia and Canada being a bit far things with little people, isolated, cold (not really if one gets action where it's like at the UK weather and even if picking something else the summers are Mediterranean at some places there and just maybe they have more sun during the winter). Though the UK persona thinks much differently from the Australia and Canada case and has other priorities. When ever one has some persona, it has different views, it doesn't think, value the same way, and it doesn't even see the same way, a lot of thinks being blocked out that it simply does not see, them not fitting in the x-mind at the same time. If all would fit in at the same time, then the Italian person could not be as sad in the UK as it wouldn't have as much dominance on/in the x-mind, but still it wouldn't be happy there, while for the UK persona, there is nothing in Italy for it, it being like the white area's moon, lacking the Aura that is there for the Italian persona (and only perhaps is) and so saying there is nothing in Italy but dry bones, like going on the moon and landing and it's just cold and dry bones, a completely useless and insane trip in a sane world. But the Italian person would think it to be all so wonderful, and there is nothing, nothing at all, except the dream that the Italian person figures to keep seeing the rest of its life, or at least if not getting in Italy. The UK people are basically white, even more pale than the Finns (or the Finns are not pale and maybe the inner heat is more as it's colder here while in the UK it isn't cold nor heating so there is no outer nor inner help, that might mean the weather there is perfect though I don't think the pale indicates perfect), and the Italian people being basically hot, and they are also darker physically, and so we have some aspects that also point to the directions of the E and I, white and black. France is like something in between and those people look more like normal too, or more like me, while Italians have a different look to them and are not like me. France has darkness too at least at the near the UK and the north maybe, and then figures to get lighter down further, so from most part are the weather (sun) factors and how it affects to the things I suppose, but still, Finland is not dark.

8/2012.

13th day of August, Monday. A sunny and warm day. My most interesting day of the summer. The last month hasn't been good to me as the Summer Aura has made this thin clear pink place partly white (technically it's then the first level of white though on average not) and as a result I have been fluctuating quite a bit on the persona though also as part of my increased doings (that might not have been all that good an idea mentally as I also get more loaded on the L6 then, that then makes things feeling more lonely or so, during the non-action times, when it gets loaded enough. Being in balance and clear as so and one might be comfortable even at dead white, or at close to it like in Kontula, because one has that energy contact inside and there is nothing eating/using it). The white part is out there constantly, even when in doings and filled more as so, it's still out there and I am aware of it. I don't like that. Sometimes the eyes also bother and they haven't ever done that before but at some shopping centers, and I have lived at white, red core and mere pink also and had no problems. I also use protection here basically all the time though at least if one is doing there is a possibility one might do without half the day, but I am a bit over sensitive to noise these days because of my more silence etc. as well as my bad experiences of it. The June was fine as it wasn't any white and I wasn't feeling bored to lack of action before the summer aura set in. The July was like no sun, so it didn't help the case. I visited this day at the red core and it was mere pink as expected but I didn't sense any "we are on holiday" emptiness (a lack that stays in the Aura at least one month) though I didn't visit some further parts of the red core where I was usually felt it. But I felt there was more now in the Aura, though still dominantly mere pink, but less "holiday empty" as people have come back and I think I felt it, and there were more people, more action and as a whole I felt comfortable after one month of white part in my flat, and the empty part of the red core's Aura, that feels like nostalgic also because of the lack, didn't make me feel like the red core was a thing of the past to me (I have nothing there anymore) like I felt during the earlier summer aura there, but now that had changed because of the increased action (and some more of it in the Aura), and I felt it comfortable also because it's still just mere pink, though with an added amount of redness from the just increased action. But compared to what I have in my flat, it made be figure that the red core isn't a think of the past to me, the thing being the red core's action itself, and so I don't drop out the possibility that I might be living there some year in spite of the suffering from the too much redness as it's a win-lose situations. I need to 'suffer' the white part in my flat still another month or so, that making it two months per year then, and together with the eyes problems and noise protection (though I don't expect things to improve on that and though it's possible it's also likely things might get worse, and at some red core if someone is moving out of there it's more likely it's because of the noise), and less action, I have enough of a reason to be on a look of something better. I visited this day also Leppävaara and Myyrmäki and around Myyrmäki. Leppävaara didn't have any white in it, it being generally a combination of mere pink from like Pitäjänmäki (where I also visited on this trip) and the thin clear pink from Espoo, making it expansive more clear mere pink, that is clear pink, with a kind of a smooth nature of mere pink and some red core like central feel in the action way or so, and it's all okay and no problems of white are to be expected and it stays more or less clear pink, and has a major shopping center, that also Myyrmäki has, that are the good things as it increases action and high building in the center produce some city feel to them in a minor way, though not that these places are something where one takes an hour or more walking trip up to daily and feels up to good doing so (in my current thin clear pink area I haven't been much motivated to do walking nor biking around because of the lack of action). Myyrmäki and around was at this time (and generally, though the Myyrmäki is a bit thicker and eyes might get some extra on the shopping center but that's usual, during the non-summer aura) very good, about awesome and bliss, like those areas are when it's warm and sunny (I have been there - and elsewhere - when it wasn't warm and sunny and it's might never be that good and can feel cold too, that correlates to lack of energy and death, and loneliness, the Aura's energy is life energy and the lack in it is death and the heart feels it and there is less of that energy in the heart then and at white it has problems with the lack already, if one is not an action loaded one or an Intuitive such for more). Close around that Vantaa one is not going to have any white problems and the quality of the clear pink is of the most awesome and bliss of all I think, though the best of the clear pink can also be much - also during the sunny and warm day, but all in all it looks like that part of Vantaa beats Espoo as there is nothing that good (at this time at least), even Leppävaara being rather unimpressive, that it is about all year I think, having been there many times already during all times, and the most impressive it was during the June, sunny and warm when I came from red core living. I will seriously consider that part of Vantaa for myself; it's much like a holiday feel to it, during the warm and sunny day, like being on the beach on a good day in some holiday place, like the water, sky, sun producing bliss, there being something similar to the stronger clear pink quality here, that's also sedative, not necessarily sleepy, but protective. I have had such a view when visiting thin clear pink in Espoo, when I wasn't yet living there, and I have felt so when living there too, I feel the opposite (also), being on the stage, but when it's thicker, it more likely will remain to feel more protective, and that's in addition to awesome and bliss to some amount though mainly during the sunny/warm days, that should make the summer up to the best anywhere in Grand Helsinki, with no suffering of any white, and having clear pink and maybe not feeling the lack of action too much because of that, though it's still a lose compared to the red core when it comes to the action, and the sedative aspect might have some major passive mind aspects to it, making it a good place to just grow old and die without any problems, just feeling like being in bed and not getting ever up as there is nowhere to go, even when shopping one is still in the bed, and the mere pink has that thick aspect to it also but with not bliss, it being just so human, normal, nothing in it but the cheaper costs to travel to the red core/Helsinki (though if living near Helsinki, one might walk or so to Helsinki first, or if travelling often maybe it's just some 100e per month, and I think I would rather work in the red core and live in clear pink than the opposite as the problem is mostly inside or/and at home when in the red core as the action/doings outside will be the other good, but only then, though I would rather have more or less of my hobbies in the clear pink as it's more comfortable then as well as I rate to see and sense things better then though there is also more noise in the red core when outside but overall one is more blind there than at mere pink and clear pink and white). The aspect of white outside of my window (inside of me I might have more energy so it's not so reaching there as much though it still makes things more miserable until in action or in major balance) is sort of annoying also as I can see and feel the lack, though a part of that lack is from the people missing/having been on holiday, but it's also having less energy. I did think the heavier June thin clear pink was a problems also, meaning the still thicker Vantaa here would be definitely out, but I don't know anymore, though logically that should be a case and I haven't felt the June Aura at clear pink being too thick during earlier years, though it was a bit further away from where I am living, but the possibility is there that the thicker will be more a problem and I didn't like the mere pink either there, though it wasn't with expansion (and was with the lack of action, that as a whole I then think is worse than red core though one might sleep well to death at mere pink just as at thicker clear pink, just that the lack of action and lack of some bliss and especially the lack of expansion is a major lack). The Myyrmäki and near Vantaa didn't have the holiday lack like the red core or the nearer core of the red core didn't have the holiday Aura that much, so I was hoping that when I come back to my flat, it will be better here too, and it seems much the way so as it was much like that from Leppävaara (that's down going to south - and more or less to the west also - that was nice as I had been biking and walking much of the day) but then it finally became thin clear pink with and aspect of white and though around my place there seemed to be more redness (and/or action, likely both - June had many times no action at those places nor here but it wasn't the summer aura yet, not even during the 22st day or so when about the whole Espoo was empty) now, it still haven't got here. There is a good reason to think of not to live in Espoo at all and if one does, the best place figures to be around Leppävaara as the summer aura doesn't seem to be a problem there and there is action, and maybe the aura is not feeling thick there like it seems to feel even in my place that's still thinner, though some other qualities differ, e.g. there is no solid mere pink influence here, other than the eye problems it seems, that I don't really all understand why, but maybe this is that close the red core, though I don't think it's in Lauttasaari (nor at the red core itself), and it's partly because of my loads also, making it not a problem to all. Maybe it's this specific quality of clear pink or even this flat or around. The best of the goods of the clear pink comes during the sunny and warm days and if one is with the added white during 7.5-9 or so, and possible having some eye problems, it cuts a big part of the goods in living at thin clear pink, making the holiday time up to much less than it could be, and maybe one might be more motivated to move around at clear pink if it's something to the direction of awesome (stoppingly stunning) and if the eyes too feel good (might not at Myyrmäki but it might be just the shopping center and the eyes problems of the specific thin clear pink and place too maybe). Rather than have summers with white added, that provokes to action and makes one feel the lacks (of everything, including one's quality and contents of life and the meaning, while at the thicker one, even at mere pink and red core, one might feel just at home or so, that is the meaning, to exist, though with the lacks here I have felt the last two years as something having disappeared with too little results, but it's not fully objective as the lacks never are, them being more pessimistic to the amount of the lacks felt though also smarter in seeing the lacks that the fullness might not take as seriously and so lacking them and also one would not be aiming as much to improve thing at the fullness and at home compared to when one feel lacks and emptiness, and meaninglessness and is not feeling as comfortable - that also puts one to action additionally to it feeling all kinds of lacks stronger, though too strong, though not that it can't be said to get things done, just that it isn't objective and it's visions can't be trusted as one needs to be okay, optimal and in balance to make the best long run picks, though one can some argue against that but that point is true also). Some Turku and so might be mere pink (the core) and have action as all its shops are in the center or so, while some Leppävaara and Myyrmäki figure to offer less action, though they are clear pink (though at some part of Turku etc. one also might be having clear pink though the area might be mixed with white and be more limited). So, some Turku etc. size place isn't out of the question compared to Grand Helsinki size living. During the white added thin clear pink living at this time I am even thinking London to be an option because of the action and people, but I am not objective because I have a lack there that can be removed and will more or less be removed in a month maybe and I can move again if I don't get enough from the "home" Aura - when the lack isn't there. If - as it seems - the clear pink is so important, it might be difficult to get that good enough at a lot of smaller places, that then being something I need to think about though getting the core action with more or less permanent mere pink isn't necessarily a bad option, though I am at this time still dreaming there to be some awesome and blissful Aura of clear pink all year where one can live the happiest and feel no major lacks but feel it's the best Aura to live under and be comfortable and even the lack in actions around might get up to very secondary in comparison, and the shoppings and doings for me in Myyrmäki (though not that I figure to get exactly there but close I just might) are reasonable at this time and it might be a good spot to grow old and die with relatively few psychological problems, though much depends of the flat and even the eyes, but it's basically the same anywhere though some further white or so places might have some cheaper and newer and less wanted flats but I can't live under white relatively comfortably, rather living with light protection though it cuts the natural sounds and life away and gets one more limited in ones head, that though has its goods also as one is more near oneself and so more objective as so without the outer input as well as one is more inside focused and has some more silence, but all in all cutting the outer life more or less off is a lack, and one will not be as comfortable with protection as without them (and it's really cutting off the EP-life - that also will suffer more from noisy flats as well as be generally emotionally more sensitive if it's nf-based, that reminds me of one fluctuation question happening under this flat here now that the SeFi is EP with SF, and if it's to be picked then it shows a drop in anything that's N-important as well as the use and intelligence of the N - that I can't at least yet drop - but the EP with the nf is about the same thin, just with nf, and picking that persona, it also critical as well as questionable even if I get to a spot where to drop the NT, though I don't lose the N with the nf until I get it with ST, but the Italian persona isn't the ST-nf but mainly a dominant NF, like ENFP, though I am then not that as the X-mind but definitely at least as the x-mind, and that's a step before X-mind and then it's finally Xmind, it the tend is allowed to continue and one keeps on that delight/persona. I have also fluctuated to the more dominant INTP as the doings filled the L6 and R2 more, and then when resting of that I was more ISFP or SF and was thinking electronics being a fitting job and as SF-dominant especially, and I saw that life path, that also changed my priorities, but I can't pick but the S-INTP at this time, that's not actually but a limbo as it's not INTP but just INTP as in, but not it though it most clearly is, but not locked and so S-INTP, that definitely is the smartest pick at this time, taking care of my problems as well as keeping options open though it makes picks difficult and slows me down but I have no picks made or even anything sure possible and I need more or less of them, can't make a pick and when/if I can, it's that times issue - and nowhere an easy pick and less so as I am still learning).

14th day, even during the day I haven't felt as a day before and it seems (a sunny and warm day also) the people coming back has reached here also, maybe up to Mankkaa in Espoo at least, moving maybe 2 km per day in case it already isn't everywhere. It hasn't changed the redness level to the clear pink level that it was before the summer aura, just more people can be felt in it, it being similar to what one feels in mere pink maybe, or that way I now look at it as the quality, and it isn't all comfortable just like the red core isn't, as the Aura is then heavier of people (different form heavier pink level that's somewhat different as can basically be seen from these two things though they still might be the same too from some part). It seems "mere" people come first in the Aura and pretty fast maybe, it seems, when they come back from holidays though there is still holiday time even after the schools start. And only later the redness level too changes (though it isn't all different from mere people), and that I consider the positive aspect of the Aura while the mere people aspect isn't only positive as it has the aspect of too many people in it.

Australia. Not that the distance is necessarily an issue as there isn't necessarily any in reality, but it's still isolated and doesn't have many people, that can be a problem as less redness and less action. And as jobs, it's limiting and additionally there is a possibility that the type of work is not good for me. The place limitations would also be bigger though all in all Australia has a fitting weather for all though not that one necessarily gets in such a place any time soon.

The Mediterranean has many countries, lots of people, no big sea necessarily (no sharks and dangerously strong ocean, maybe strong sun, other animal or other problems). Lots of action, though the many languages mainly cut the possibilities as free movement and one needs to pick some (or be born somewhere around). And it's not only the Mediterranean there is in Europe or so, there being some other possibilities also, with sea and without.

The weather is important (to me), with enough sunlight and sunshine all year (4 hours of sunshine is like about after the second month in Finland and one is getting enough sunshine (and sunlight) sometime in February already, while when it's darker than that, it's too little and for too long and it's bad. Of course, one might have such a job too/additionally and not get sunlight and sunshine.

So, the weather. The place being about Mediterranean, there being no better option. The UK is pale, dark, not warm enough (to me). Just the English factor is not enough for me to pick some English language country, the loses and limitations being too much. And in my case, Italy/Italian makes me happy, as does the good weather, and the pick is on the line of my picked line of living and job, non-academic, while not sure if it's with like ST or more at the nf, but I think it's more on the ST and the new thing is not to let it limit the nf too much, that's the one on the top to be often enough and enough overall, and with enough S, enough rest, recovery. When the nf is the dominant top, when in the dominant ST (T) rest, then one is like the NF, the NF dominating, and in more ST, the NF gets blocked to secondary (nf) and is not dominating, and the nf on the top is really good, but I think there can be a subtle balance and one can be more at S and ST, T, also, and all in all my path is somewhere about there, kind of like with EP, though I am not an EP, at least not for a long time, until making it X-EP here and now, but I am making a long range pick, to be at around those areas, making my life picks from there, and whether it's with more ST or NF, Italy is a good pick, while if it turns out to become more of ST, then in another life I might find more action from elsewhere in about Mediterranean, like from Spain, but for now I have only Italy (and Finland) and as the persona and doings haven't come to a one pick, it's Italy for sure from that point also (not just that I only have Italy, and Finland, in this life). The language point of English can not be the one, limiting all the other options, in case it's limiting one's options, like it's limiting mine, and my picked persona areas and happiness. Canada too is cold/dark and a smaller place and actually limited as the USA is not open for one to move there, though not is the Mediterranean either because of the language limitations, but at least it's possible. I think there is more life in Italian than in English for me, and as a whole in the whole about Mediterranean. Feelings too are not stupid, there being reasons why they feel the way they feel and it's generally of some relative truth to how and what one is, while being pushed to somewhere because one's situation isn't good, isn't the right pick, though it still might be necessary and better, but when it isn't, then it isn't the best pick, though not that I necessarily pick all things based on existentially best feelings as fittings, as I am around a different pick of a persona, doings, than what I am as bases, that sort of isn't the best pick but that's what is the best for me and is my best life.

However, it seems it's practically or even theoretically impossible for me to pick the EP, as I need the INTP because of the difficult situations. My past is the INTP, but it means nothing as I am what I am doing and being, picking, and only as a habit I am an INTP still for tens of years, though it can be radically X-changed even like right now. But there are also possible reasons because of what I am why I should be an INTP, even if not needed at some point anymore, though it likely becomes secondary then, also depending of my new habits of doings and beings getting more and more Memory. The Italian persona basically isn't a different case from the UK or so persona (English etc.), just another persona and so no more nor less right, but it's about what's best for me and to my happiness; I have more happiness with the EP, as well as I have no fitting professions at INTP, but at EP I am fine with the mere being as well as have fitting professions also. But still, I am now what I am, and picking something else, when it's not fitting as a whole, is not optimal, natural nor fitting, and so I am picking things based on the S-INTP as long as I need to be and stay so, being and doing whatever I can at any moment. I won't make things happen and stick to it when it's not the most optimal. I am not at this time making any picks other than the S-INTP, that has its fluctuations and INTP base, but I am not picking some NT-path, the S-INTP not being the INTP and I am not planning of being that way, other than as bases, but not as the x-core; I am not going to live in the NT other than as a part, the base part, but that's what it's going to be until it changes or I get to X-change it to something else, but till then I am simply living the S-INTP with all its personas, fluctuations, doings, more naturally and fittingly to/for any moment, though it's all about the habits and picks, but there is the outer reality also that I better be optimal with.

In Espoo, in south-east part of Espoo, the non-summer aura started to get more redness to it at/in the middle of August and the pink level (in reality like white aura/light - that is the pink aura) started to increase too one week later, that's how long it might be behind when the redness increases, and it has been comfortable from that point too at that point though some more outside it's still too thin, just with the increased redness, not so as increased pinkness (white light), but less than one week more and it's already supporting the white light level too, though just barely, and it being warm and sunny has been the case much around these times but it has been okay at least inside, closer the east, also when not sunny. Not that it's all back yet at the end of August, but it's close enough for practical good and one has been feeling the summer being back at the third week of August here already, when it's sunny, warm and the Aura is comfortable pink, though still not as much as in June, but holding, while the five weeks before that didn't feel like summer as the whiteness level was too much (and it mostly wasn't sunny either). To be comfortable in the heart, is the comfortable moment living, then having sun and warm weather, and not having the lack of comforts and limitations of the red core and mere pink, that is comfortable living (if other things like silence and other comforts and goods and maybe actions are also good), something similar to the idea of thinking of living in Mediterranean.

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