It looks pretty clearly that the F-meaning of life is all about Deities (that I saw before too), that needs to achieve complete happiness (this became more clear now, thinking about the vast emptiness problem and if the pleasures are the only meaning there is). Those are Divine and in comfort and for life aspects pleasures as well, and that's the only f-meaning there is; the pleasures and more deeply to make all the Deities happy. God is that Divine, and they are all the aspects of the chakras and their Deities. All those exist in the "box" world as well as in the vast emptiness (that's the space they are in as far as the [Se]F[i]-meaning goes, and the T-meaning as Brahma Awareness, but also the SeFi Deity happiness in the heart - that's the remaining pain in case one gets over the f-meaninglessness pain, then the rest is basically all about the SeFi, though there are other pains too, and the Xmind's understanding that's not separate from the Deities). The Divine is aiming for those goals, and that's the meaning, while when all has been achieved there can't be unhappiness, or otherwise the goal has not been achieved (as far as the F goes, while the T won't feel bad to exist even if there is no meaning, as long as it has the Brahma Awareness that makes one not to look the meaning from some place other than from Here, from Deities), until it's impossible to achieve at the moment or even ever, in cases there will be unhappiness more or less, though the Divine still will try to get rid of any part of unhappiness, that remaining as the meaning until it becomes clear it's impossible to get there, in case it's more or less eternal hell for beings like us, though the 'Divine' might then try to "adjust" it away from our attention. That's all there is, and it's all happening in a "box," not in infinite universe - that has almost become a "box" for me as this is such a small place this near universe, while the other parts like that are no different from this "box," though they are far in the future too (that's maybe the reason why they can't contact us, the distance being too big, otherwise the heart indicates that they would have, but then God made it wrong - I know It makes mistakes because it's partly blind - until It could not allow it because of a possible enemy or something). There's also the J/journey of L/life that can be interesting, if one (and the planet and the universe) is traveling it well enough; it just might last forever (the universe is infinite in about every way, so, though halfly "not", should be perfect, but I am not happy to how things have been done on this planet, so I have doubts and in my early middle age feel additionally that this is just a "box," as it sure looks like it from what I have been seeing in this life. I think the universe, our universe, is partly wrong, but there's no reason for us to be so, nor our universe to remain so, even if the whole other population of the universe is partly wrong. We can humbly alter things, though it's often more or less slow but we can improve our selves, our environment and even the universe) and we improve and see new and better things in the future. It should be nice to die, it being no big deal,

The problem just is the ignorance of the truth of death that creates the problem here that's between living vs. losing life, as it's not something that is motivating, and only by thinking all will continue will there be a motivation, though maybe not when the f-meaning seems to be more or less missing (that's different from the death ignorance) - I think that's the f-meaningfulness feeling, not any kind of a t-meaning though the "box" we are in and always living in is moving to the future, new and better, all the time, while the f-meaning is about feeling good at SeFi level especially, and that's about the whole social life, the box situation, where the social situation both ways needs to be good enough for there to be meaningfulness, feeling good about the box, while now the only f-meaning is in improving oneself, the f-meaning being in the future though it can only be now, but it will be, while at the moment there is more or less pain and there's only something one can do about it.

as long as one gets good information in the next life, and with the Kundalini awakening and the progress of science that's now more likely.

The problems that are still remaining are about the sex load (L1), my other loads (L6-R2), f-meaninglessness, the truth about the death,

I likely won't get the answer in this life and I haven't found the will to it since my middle age at 36 but will simply just die, while it will somewhat effect my life the rest of my life as one can't be at complete ease with the fact of death as what it's worth doing now if one is soon going to die, though I have enough partial facts to support my view that we will be reborn, that effects to the possibility of rebirth that's enough reason for doing what one is doing. It's not a difficult problem actually, to solve the question if we have been and will be reborn, the answer being just about there, but one needs to know the facts and do some hard thinking about them, some experimenting, some more study, keep the eyes open, live the question, while I am not living it at the moment and not doing hard thinking about the facts I know, and more experience, and so, but I think it might now be an easy question to get an answer to. In theory it's already possible as we have the body, brain, Brahma and the memory, and a rebirth is basically just a question about the memory moving on/in the Brahma from one body to an another, and we know information moves on the air etc. and can be sent and received (one loses the surface memory, these days, because of the "shock" of death, but as normally the memory-personality will remain), while we know we are born with loads, conditionings/talents (separate from personality and other factors?), there just being the question of making a strange body combination (pig-dog etc.) but one might figure it will be then the first "soul" (memory) and the next same combination can receive the memory. And then there are some body stopped (no functions) cases for tens of years and when they wake up they will have a "soul," but it's memory (the soul is likely the body & Brahma), but one needs to figure those too. I don't think there is any life after death as one needs the body, though being in 'communication' with some memory-personality, person even, in one's own memory (combined to the whole brain) might be possible with the memory-personality that's still in the "Air."

5.X Months. I am more positive we will be born again. This is because I don't see that anything explains the conditionings and loads we are born with. And then there's Brahma, the Sahaja Yoga soul and other things. I though do not know but here one rates to over doubt, be more pessimistic about so many things, though they are much facts too, but so much is dependent of what one is and understands, the world being so too. But this F-Meaning with all its phenomenons is something to get used to, understand, accept, like growing old and dying and it being more or less lonely and meaningless path, just like sitting alone in emptiness, watching as one gets older and then dies, and that's basically all life there is. On the positive side there are doings (in case one can do) that give life f-meaning, but still all that happens in emptiness (around; the reality box) and meaninglessness, and one grows older and dies. There are though ways to improve oneself and things, so to have things better in the future here and after the death possibly, but nothing ever or here change the basic fact of emptiness and meaninglessness, while the meaning though is not in space and things in space (though they are meaningful when relating to us), but in f-action, but one needs to be at ease with the basic fact of emptiness, meaninglessness, and live such a life and be at ease with it. While from the points of improving oneself and f-action there is some meaning, but it all happens in emptiness and meaninglessness. Now, those are parts, and f-action is not only meaningless action but contains the Dharma too that in our case means to have a warmth and happy life that we (or the heart) are all basically aiming at, and that's what life should be and feel to us, and that to be so there are many different things that need to be there that people could go listing (all basically coming from the Dharma). We also have desires that are more or less connected to the Dharma, and in case they are not now or at some point there enough, we will feel unhappy, more or less less with time but that's the biggest f-problem in life, and something one needs to deal with when the reality is not what we want/need it to be.

I am not saying one will achieve anything much (just) by 'dropping the mind;' I am just saying there are some scenarios and possibilities. I did drop the mind in 1996-7 (Sahaja Yoga) but I was not at balance (and the heart was also not on the line of dominanting, in case that matters) but the mind was busy, and I did have the Brahmanic Awareness too.

SeFi (the heart, L4). I think I have pretty much accepted these short lifes, that they just come and go, and it's again time to (basically) say good-bye to one life, also from the point that I have done what I have been able to do to improve myself, and have nothing further really for this life, the things I know being there, and the remaining path being pretty clear. A partial solution to the SeFi emptiness in the form of covering it (mainly) is for example to be at either Fe or Fi, keeping that presence (f); it will then fill the outer emptiness too.

5.0 Months. There is a similarity to any other f-presence or more or less an f-action filling or covering the loneliness and meaninglessness, that then rate to pop up when there's enough non-f-action, though it's then specificly about loneliness, not non-f-action, while meaninglessness might be a part of the non-f-action, but still the f-action seems to cover the (f-)meaninglessness that seems like a fact, but I guess it's a by-product from the lack of (meaningful - Dharma for example) f-action. One of the things at loneliness at (my) unconscious (or/and the last priority) is what I might call like a baby (its this need, like from the mother) type of close heart need that's lack is a major pain when surfacing as dominating, normally being covered, but it's there. Overall that Place is there about social SeFi-heart needs and overall about the whole universe as a general life phenomenon, and meaning/meaninglessness is on the picture too, and this whole phenomenon is what I call a SeFi, extroverted sensing with feeling. There is that piece of heart quality, and that must be one of its needs. It's a type of heart caring (compassion, love) both ways (and as a rule should not be binding, needing also freedom, space - that also somehow are heart needs). There's the f-action, and then there's SeFi, so that one might think that the f-action does make one feel good, but it's about SiFe, and when that action is not there, what's up at some point, is SeFi; that's then perhaps too much dominating the whole (the right side and the other left Deities are also to be considered), but it does show the lacks of it.

5.0 Months. There is still however worry about life really being f-meaningless, until it's a by-product of SeFi (then there's still the problem of these people on this planet, as well as my personal problem), while maybe the f-meaning really is a fiction (a by-product) as I might think, though logically that might not be the case, but this is about feelings, that though are together with thoughts. I don't think the universe has been there always and everywhere and have a lack of f-meaning, and I don't feel so either (though the universe has lacks, but likely can't have this big one). I am still not happy about being 37 (and getting older - first being worried as I am not ready yet, then being worried that the remaining years will not be meaningful enough), as it's so much for me (considering that to recover from mental loads I still need time, and then my young period/psychology died at 36-7) to get things so better and adjusted at my SeFi world (otherwise my age might not matter to me), and I would have liked to live there when I was young, but that has been lost (it was a horror to see first). Maybe the age does not matter, but I haven't got that in to my heart as I am worried about my SeFi life here in this life, though I have ways not to live at that Place no matter how things are there, but it's not a happy thing to SeFi.

6.0 Months. My parents were sick during few months. They were fine before that, though weak and having their problems, then suddenly they both, or mainly the father, fall sick like that. Father has a prostate cancer, getting hormones to it nine years then few months ago it stopped helping meaning in case it's spread his expected time to live is up to one year (will not be 82 if that is the case), and because of (those) he is having problems with things coming out too easily (that's why he does not want to see anyone as his stomach reacts to it, so I can't much see them); that's maybe the last he will see, though some pains might still be coming. Overall, if things go fine, one can have a decent old age, just the last year(s) can/will be worse. There's the heart, the reality of vast emptiness and related matters, other matters, middle age, old age, sickness and related (e.g. legs/eyes/hips, weakness), death weakness/sickness and the death.

I know I will likely get over the problems and the heart e.g. pains (even if I have to put them down from more or less the seed part) as the heart adjusts and the logic could much the way already tell the right answers (these are just the 'sad' sides of life etc., though from one part the logic gives a wrong answer when it figures the situation from the amount of the pain before its adjusted) but the heart is slower and separate (it gets shocks and it takes time to adjust; it thinks only its view as it's just one Deity[s]), and my personal problems are just a sad thing, not something existentially important as it's just a matter of time/life when things are good there, leaving at least the vast emptiness (Bodhidharma) still to figure out (it's not called e.g. a "Nightmare" or "Horrible" for nothing. Gautama Buddha might have called it the "Nirvana." I for example might call it "The End," the end of L/life that's in f-action), about the meaning in case it's something separate from the well being of the heart as it might partly be as also the action, though f-action, covers e.g. vast emptiness (more empty than emptiness, and more vastly empty, but it seems it's connected to the well-being of the heart). The middle age problem (the short life and getting older) needs attention but one should know about that schedule beforehand, while it's also a part of my personal problems (that should not be important as one can do only what one can do, and what one loses one just has to accept, nothing one can do about it; it being important only about what one can do. No past in a way [the past is here though as much as the present and the future], though one will have to pay for it but that becomes a part of one's "outer" life only, the "inner" person remaining the "same," though one will be different but it's because of the "outer" Karma that's just an outer situation, and as someone who has likely become better too). So, if all is figured so, then all is well existentially, while planetarily and personally and about the slowness, separateness (and when it's covered too much, too often, or too little) of the heart are just other problems. The age matters because of the body. The body is time. If that factor is taken care of, then basically time does not matter, there being none.

From the middle age everything is going down; one is getting older and older, the death is coming nearer and nearer, and there is a work slavery, the problems with the Deities, the vast emptiness as the sort of no-meaning, and one will have to live with those all the way. Reasons why people are not generally so worried about them might be that they are not major NTs (or they are perfect enough), intuitive thinkers, more specificly Nis perhaps, that then have to figure these things, or they can try to drop the major NT (Ni). The heart has its needs (though connected to conditionings and understanding but one sees the laws by observing life - Ts observe with the T while Fs might not observe with the T) and they are more acute for Fs as they live in it, while Ts have the same feels but with too much T-action they are covered too much or too often. The meaninglessness is about the empty space, f-empty (the vast emptiness), where all life phenomenons happen, and those phenomenons are robot-like Deities and personality functions in dominance (loads, Xmind); and what do those signify? Nothing but life and Xmind is case it will not die. Unhappiness is pain etc., so (when all else is known and this is understood - that the pain is the opposite of the meaning) the meaning of life is to be happy, make sure all the Deities are happy. That doesn't mean one should not do anything that disturbs the Deities as that's different; when the thing has been done (or even during) all is at least as well as with the options. Asking a meaning beyond life phenomenons is ignorance. If one can be at ease with the vast emptiness behind the life phenomenons, and sees that life (the meaning) is in those life phenomenons, and together with the heart (and all the Deities), the F-meaning problem seems to be solved. The (mere) personal problems are the other half of the existential one's here, but they matter only to one person, and are not the main issue (though a part of the Dharma and time) but showing how they matter. The day work together with other necessary things are one problem as we do them only because we have to. To that one can try to do a job that's close to one's inner personality (not really the outer as one would not do that), or a job that does not load and one can feel at ease there. One will not be forever under so much work need, but for now one better try to make some good choices. Above all matters perfection or that one has no major loads.

I got a view of life as a period, like about the short lifes acceptance, and saw these again in a more acceptable way, and at the same time saw the death too in a more acceptable way as just a step (I also figured that old age rest and baby rest can/might be good recovery) to an another life (that's here all the time); it's like the death between lifes has become something less, so it feels like the two lifes are more lively connected, and also being a middle age person is something that just follows, taking it a bit more naturally now. And better accept the colder showers (the planetary situation and other things) in the next life too. It seems things are again a bit more digested. Also, the past history (mine and others, the history) seems closer and more realistic, e.g. nostalgic is more possible when the memories are somewhere there rather than somewhere here. So, something happened at least temporarily. Maybe the memory will remain, but the state likely not as it seems to be Ne (ekstroverted intuition) that lost its ability and instead of seeing memories I am in them myself while not being so easily focused to a memory but start first rounding there from many angles and the memory has nothing to do exactly with that, but it's harder to do Ne, but that's what I have been putting away, the Ni-memory, though not Ne but Ni is memory.

6.X Months. I am already an old man (37-8), and I am not too happy about that (one life's youth lost and I have to wait the next 40 years, though I might get some good life out of what I have left here but I am not happy about what I have lost, though looking just the loses - I have got many things also) at this point though I have got better used to it. One will have to get to know about the rebirth too, as I am not happy about the fact that I do not know for sure, though I know some things and have figured some things. The meaninglessness also needs some further understanding but now it's just about living, though with more or less by the rules. I think my heart is more stable at this time, and it's not covered. I don't like losing parents (my social life on this planet is so poor enough that it has its extra effect here, especially as I do not have my own family) and I don't like that they are so old because of that, but I should be natural about it, so that's no existential problem. So, maybe it's basically only the sure knowledge about the rebirth that we are still missing, or if one can figure it out in the head about the loads and conditionings (and A/awareness and the soul and some other at the moment more or less facts and knowledge) and be sure about it, then maybe one could be sure about it, and if one feels confident enough about them then just maybe one could feel relatively ease about the fact of death though the death might not bother (if all ends then all is well then too, even more so) but it does effect to what we should be doing and feeling now. The future is about living forever but knowing what one loses with the death and be at unease only about the loses and maybe make one's life so that the loses are minimal.

6.X Months. I start to think that I have the more complete picture of the F-meaning now. It though contains many things and understandings of them, but I give the outer lines. The F-Meaning is given to us basically and on the core by the heart. It's about people, family, and about our unique individuality that's about our personality and the caste.

Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 18, Verses 41-48. I had a thought that ksatriyas are STs(nf), brahmanas NTs, vaisyas - artists is my 'wrong' meaning - NFs, SFs could be the sudras but in practise one sees as many STs as sudras as well (NFs and NTs too but they are not at their element with that personality type). Some SFs are ksatriyas. I can see a mixture of all, e.g. many STs are top well in the business (in service and other business), some e.g. INFJs are Bs (in the NF area), and e.g. ENTPs can be Ks (in the NT area), so this needs more thought. All castes have their kings and queens etc. too, and being e.g. an NT does not mean one is not a working ksatriya, mental one, but what does the "ksatriya" mean in this light? And the NT that's working as a business man, just like the ST, SF and NF can, and better than some other personality type could. Then, I did not got what I have by being sattvic either but needed to be rajahic in the beginning, and that's the state I was born with. In practise I have no problems seeing what makes me a servant, a sudra (whatever working man that then is) business man, vaisya (in a large meaning, basically more or less NF, perhaps), an artist, or whatever, as well as tamas, sattva, rajah. When wanting more details it's not enough to have just four, while even they are missing a better understanding of their contents.

So, the heart needs to be happy (like other Deities) and to be happy the matters of family, social and the W/work (our duty, our dignity) needs to be well, and when that is so, the heart is happy, and our F-Meaning is inside that circle, there being nothing outside it for us as far as our F-Meaning (that's also our D/duty, our L/life) goes. It might be that our individuality (that's only our's, no-one else being exactly like that) is something that does not remain the same, but it will not make any difference. Our duty is also to take care of ourselves because without we being well, we can't perform our duty well or at all, so the heart will not be happy. The F-Meaning is very much like a family circle, it feeling much the same, and it's important to feel one's unique individuality too, so one knows what one is, sees from where one has come from and why, and where one is moving and why, and that's the sum of our L/life in the past, present and the future. There are Laws that direct the course of our journey, those coming from the Deities, Karma, Dharma, and from other heart needs (like family and social, people), and of course the needs of all Deities that also demand us to be according to what they want. The most important thing for me here is the F-meaning as not only as family, social, people but as our universal F-meaning as W/work and both its personal and social D/duty. Just remains to be seen if that F-Meaning will hold, if there comes some other view(s) and one is back wondering that what's the (F-)Meaning all about. Everyone's, everything's meaning rate to be what one, it is, as a Persona, Karma, Dharma, and the Deities will be happy or unhappy accordingly. There not being any F-Meaning outside of what one is, though social matters needs to be fine too as they are in the Dharma of the heart and the L/life might need them. But otherwise one just does what one is supposed to do according to what one is, there not being any F-Meaning outside it, while the T-Meaning is about that we are Here, and from that comes that only the things that are here matter as a Meaning, and that's about how the things in one's case should be now, what one should be doing now, one not seeing anything else as far as the F-Meaning goes. The fear, horror is about that F-Meaning not being enough, that one is here and there's no Meaning, F-Meaning to it. Then there are the things one gets fun of doing, that one can do fun things, so there's life.

6.X Months. It's now clear to me that there is a rebirth; based on loads, conditionings, the Brahma and other things. So, that ends all. What's left is that there is nowhere to go, just the life here being all there is. For me the next 40 years will not be good. I wasted seven years (about 30-36) socially; my old age (37) being the biggest factor (I just was 27 a very little time ago, not far from little over 20 and the adult life starts, but then I wasted those seven years when I should have run after fulfilling the needs of the heart, but I didn't. I had achieved what I was after, and more, and was at balance at the age of 29, and by the position of my young age and the time in my hands I would have succeeded in all people things, while now I will/can succeed only partly, that might be reasonable enough or might not but there will be up to heavy loses). Also it gets to be clear that my body will not fully recover and medical science wasn't able to help, and I am just so old already (the body is still between 30 and 50 [and as 10 years goes faster than one can see, a 37-8 means about 50, while if one is ready for the middle age at the age of 27 or so, then it can be all smooth going up to 50 or so] at the middle age but it has started to fast get old and though one can usually still look young the marks are there and they fast will get worse, though it won't happen in one year but every year is a lot at this age. One thing I did not want to be was a middle age person when not ready for it, but that's what I will be getting, just one more thing I have and will be digesting, though not sure what it matters at this point where I am basically dead already), and the planet is not good either, me being somewhere in a no-man's land while everyone else is somewhere else. The greatest thing for my remaining life is to die; then I get a new life and a new body. It's however useful, though not mandatory anymore, for me to decrease my loads, so together with whatever life I can still get here and the decrease of loads it's worth to continue. But as far as the existential journey goes, it's all at its end, there not being anything further to get and known.

All there is still to go is to see the heart still get more adjusted, though it won't be happy about the situation, and it can get up to very tough, but it remains to be seen how it can handle it, and then how I get adjusted to the new way of seeing life in living in a type of Meaninglessness, so there are things to handle emotionally, and then get smarter on the area of the heart and Meaning, but there's nothing that can be done anymore, but just seeing how my being can handle it, how well it's able to adjust. As I see the death just as a step to the next life, I look the future in that same way, never ending, and there so is a future, so I can read a bit of something to develop a bit my talent and conditionings and then have some hobby/hobbies, while it though doesn't mean much more than just doing something to not go nuts or something, work (at best much the same as for the hobbies), watch some tv, some going out, balance and try further decrease the loads enough of a time (maybe mostly from the laws of addiction, but one needs to take care one does so too, and it's worth at this time to work here too, with the 'Kundalini'), and that takes the remaining of my life here. It's just that I see this planet and my situation at this planet at this time (because of all what I have and the middle age of 36-7) so clearly (it's all over as far as the difference to how I saw it before the age of 36 as the time remaining and the Meaning goes; now there is no "time remaining" and no "Meaning" but all is right here and it matters next to nothing or worse, though basically not a sad thing in a better world), and I see what I will be doing in the future and just have to still further digest (though I have much digested already, the fact that I am in a way dead, while the rest is just further digesting the pain, the conditioned pain maybe, of losing the rest of the life too, and as that's what I see is basically going to happen though one can do some things too. I am like a man who has accepted the fact that his life is over or basically over and that he did not get all that he wanted while what's left is like 40 year in somewhere one does not like to be at, though it doesn't mean all things are wrong there, but enough for one not liking the situation, and that's the failure of the situation, my point that I have pictured from many points both existential and personal, that includes the planet too) that that's all I am going to get from this life, it not being what I wanted as a whole, and not what I wanted L/life to be, but that's all I have remaining in this life.

Pessimistic views and ignoring good life living feelings of ordinary life and doings when one is not open or something (shocked, over-burdened, cracked) on the left channel and so not feeling good (though also other matters have a good factor), one is not in the F/f-Meaning, positivity, something that mere rationality can't see as it can't feel (good; though everything gets nirvanic and one won't much see it anymore, but by looking one can see it's there and from that comes the good feelings of mere living, or at least they are not bad, that then just might aim one to improve still further to have brahmanic happiness). That as a point for L/life is one of the major factors under the F-Meaning. But the down feelings sides are the other side of L/life, the other half of the truth here, though they are not the F-Meaning as one can figure, but about the lack of it, but that is a truth. When overdone one is doing wrong in both cases, though ups and downs are a fact as whatever is now is more or less more dominating than the complete picture. One does need to balance them too but not live too much in either on views at least, or at the hole when one is out of it on feelings, while the facts (combined to conditionings and understanding) do put one in the hole, and then one is stuck at down feelings, that also produce overall pessimistic views, and the only thing one knows that there will be the up feelings to follow, and then when one sees something wrong, and that something takes away more or less life from oneself, one drops down. And that goes up and down, based on more or less facts of the loses and the feeling good in spite of it and not being down in the feelings about the loses though the loses are true. That's the whole picture and it's hard to feel right about it as what does it mean that one is depressed about the loses and then one feels good and it does not feel all that bad; the reality of how bad something is depends of feelings (and views, conditionings, understanding, adjustment, hope), so what is the truth? One needs both for a more complete view, and in case one is not in the hole, depressed, then it seems it would be more the complete picture, though it will have those holes coming and going in the future also, and the up feelings ignore needs to be balanced with the down feelings, and then maybe one has a more complete picture. The bad thing is about the loses that one needs according to the Dharma, and can't get right, so one hasn't got much anything to do but live with it; it's bad but nothing one can do about it. One major aspect to the F-Meaning is to take care of oneself and stay well as that's where the L/life is as it was supposed to be. The L/life is the F-Meaning, the F/f-truth, the Dharma. But when one does not got what one supposed to have then one does not have a complete life and the heart will not be completely happy, but it will be a mixture of it being happy of so many things one has, feeling good and happy, then on other things feeling bad and unhappy. That's the complete picture and one can do about it only what one can do, while one should not lose the complete picture that is the whole (though one should avoid to drop in the hole when doing so, as it does no good to do so, and a lot of times facts come up and offer a possibility for dropping down; one does not need to take them so close, it being enough trouble as it already is), and it does contain ups and downs, less as one gets used to them but one will be living with more or less unhappy heart too, there often not being any way to get rid of it but get used to it, learn to live with it, as well as possible. But one should try to get rid of such problems, and have patience of years.

As far as my situation goes, it's very good on E/enlightenments, and I am very happy about it though I still have sex addiction, sex load left, but having this middle channel, the Kundalini, the related knowledge, W&C, the Brahma Awareness, expanded mental-emotional view from 'dropping the mind' - then the A/awareness is not too much in Ni for example so one sees the outside mental-emotional world, space better, and that's something that can give one enough E/enlightenment (people with no major NiT so rate to have it already so they are not seeking it) like the Brahma Awareness, though it's different but as far as being nowhere to go, that might give it as well. And the heart with that and dealing with its problems, that being good for the future life. The Dharma (awakening), conditionings. If there would not be my personal problems (mainly body not recovering and my old 37 age, plus the L6-R2 [and L1] loads, people and planetary problems) I would be completely happy, and some of the time I am (but then I am not dealing with the social facts but just with the fact of my being, the existence/Life and doings/life), and it's always with me even when I am down, it being worse without all the good I have. But my situation has a very happy future finally, it's just that there are these up to about 40 years left.

In the next life when I will be about 37, it will be like 2080. In about 2045 I die. From 2082 I will be seeing things the next 40 years till 2122, then I die again and in 2135 I will be seeing again and will be about 37 in about 2160 or so and will be following again till 2200 when I already get to have greater hopes as I do trust that science on all areas will progress fast enough. I will however not be a part of it because the recovery speed is too slow, so I change in this life and follow another kind of a path rather than overloading myself and living more or less a lonely life. It's just too bad so many people are causing so much damage to themselves in this modern world (that has more or less no idea). I was born about a burnout, L6 (and L4) and R2 (and L1) with too much load, damage, and I am still a burnout and damaged.

There is comfort in being at comfort (from life in us, the heart). There is also comfort when one is at ease about the future, e.g. I think the loads will decrease and together with that the problems caused by the loads alone will decrease and disappear, but my age is making me feel unease as it will take time, and the body recovery might not happen as a mutation or permanent damage has happened, in case it pretty much can ruin one's life. I feel mostly at ease on my new life on the side of the heart, or it not being dominated, while it's not really dominating the head, the head feeling fine, but this time the heart feels dominantly or something at ease, so that's a good change at least for me, but I think that's the way it should be, and if that's then e.g. NF, then it is, but I don't know at this point. I feel comfort at the level of clarity I have about rebirth, it showing things in a new way again, where one just gets older and then takes a new body, and it's not something I just believe into, and because of that, even in the world of the heart, I feel safe or something about it, and that is enough verification. I have been feeling much dominantly at ease on the area of the heart one month or so already, though still having weak points and dropping into depressing time to time, but I have been getting stronger and stronger (including natural adjustment), and I have also come to know more and more, and together I am pretty decently supported by the heart, living in this type of a new world, where the heart had its troubles first, up to horribly, even more so, but then step by step things have adjusted, though there is still this no-Meaning fact, but at comfort of being, delight of doing, it has become a home in the feelings too, and that's where I will keep getting better, and living at. It feels perfectly decent, though I might drop into more or less depressing time to time (plus feeling disturbed about unease things in life that I need to life with, that I though try not to live with, while the overall comfort is supportive there too, though it breaks like peace breaks when the disturbance gets enough), but the search in one point was to find the eternal ease state of being, and this is it, the Meaning coming to the picture mainly/only when the pain comes into the picture (this time the Meaning might be the F-Meaning only, to get things back in harmony, or/and still to a stronger level of harmony). So, I can live this life at comfort and delight; the better I am, and the better I am performing, the more comfort, the more delight. There would not really be a problem if there would not be the fact of getting old; without it I might be able to live at more or less complete ease even under the current situation (that's going to still get better), so adjusting or whatever to the fact of age; it's still not there all the way as it's a wast of one's f-life, but then when I think that I am doing all the time much of what I would be doing anyway (also including the aims for people directions, as one can do only what one can do), in spite of people and other loses (there's not that much to do out there - I expected there to be when I 'dropped the mind' and directed my life there but then found the lacks of it, more so on this planet - or in, though one should aim to perfect one's life both out and in, it being absolutely essential in a life of an F, but it's not a rich world out there, just something and bit here and there, though I am no major of it at this time, but it didn't have what I expected there to be, while when I was a T, I was seeing that what is out there? Nothing really, but that was a T-view, but when the F-view went around in real life and in imagination [thinking about it too], it just was hitting mainly empty all the time - what can one do out? But there are things, one aiming to a complete life), so I am feeling comfortable for all the reasons mentioned, and there is this and that delight that the doings give, it just being an art and a science to keep oneself so, and that together with progress (not just being happy, that's though a part of it), I have the two most important things in life; the progress and being comfortable now.

Brahma_Yoga_F-Meaning_Part_3