10/2011. Calculating the distances in Helsinki and compare it to London, maybe e.g. Greenwich is mere pink, though considering the huge London and the big center it might be even more red. I haven't done calculations (and don't know what it would matter) but there is a major possibility I can't live at zone 2, like 5 km away from the (though an edge) of the center as is might be mere pink (or even worse). But a metro/train is possibly fast and if not having too much from/to the station, it might be easy and fast, even faster than from zone 2 (where it's also possible one doesn't get a seat during busy times, though not that that is necessarily a problem), though one might have to change a metro/train/bus more than once; it could be five or ten minutes per change if not needing to walk in between. The day I picked the UK, I had a 2-3 hour walk, it was no blue sky when I started and it was about 13C all the way, and the way back the wind level was strong and it was somewhat raining and I got lost (I took a what looked like a shortcut) as there was no way to see where the sun was (or maybe someone can look at it from the trees or so but I can't and didn't try) and I ended near railway, the railway road and had to walk it back in that weather 30 minutes. I had a picture of a metro/train stop on my wall or so, from London, and now I was walking, looking a couple of those and the weather, the train, railway, that all would be my life in the UK and it's always no sun, no blue sky, somewhat raining, windy perhaps, moisture, and the 13C is better than it's during half of the year (and the summer sunshine is sort of low and even summer weather in Helsinki are often bad, though not lately, the weather and sunshine having been good since spring up to about here, just the moisture has been 60% inside from June), but I am not outside as much or will have more clothing when it's down to 8C (mornings it's less but so what, it's no below zero and just the time it takes to go to work, and on pension it's not usually there). So, I accepted the weather in the light of my doings and English, though my weakened health might not handle that bad weather, though not that it necessarily will do that much better under a better weather but I am aware that some people have moved under a better weather because of health reasons, and I can't do that much when not being well enough. What if I don't get peace etc. in the UK flat? That figures likely and in Italy/Malta I could be outside much of the time, while in London it costs more money as one needs to be that much more inside somewhere and on pension one would need to be all the time but when sleeping. Because of that I have my doubts; why take a chance in the light of my experience in Finland. Other than that I don't currently have a reason not to go in the UK, though if I happen to find myself from a silent and healthy flat in/on a clear pink area in Finland and other things don't get worse in Finland but remain same enough, I have no reason to go anywhere. But as things are now (with health problems that I hope will get better - the next time when I see it lasting that long I might better get some medication that might kill or passivate it sooner, that it seems to be doing now too but it's slow going and has ups and downs as it grows or activates again after the immune system has put it more down. The auric source for the problem might add some but this figures a bug though it doesn't all add up) I will have to go, and just have to think if risking the flat situation in the UK is the right thing to do (they have those very old flats in London at least, that figure to be complete junk) or should I pick some lesser problem and pick Italy or Malta, though both of those figure to have thin buildings and noisy neighbours, plus the other problems from heat to learning Italian. But whatever, I don't have an option to stay in Finland but must pick the UK, Italy or Malta. Likely the UK as I am even closer to leaving than the last time I picked the UK, that was plenty close already. Just having problems with my health, that the immune system dealt up to a point but hasn't been able the eliminate it, and putting the textile on ventilation stopped much of the lung problems (and might not be just plasebo as my sickness is known to make one more sensitive to e.g. smoking, plus colder air it seems, even so much that my bug some of the time might get activated or so just by opening the window it seems), but I am still sick from there up to my nose though it's not wetty in any major way anymore and the throat is not sick in a major way but all that line down to lungs is semi-sick and body is weaker. It would look like it's not getting worse from that. Currently too I am weaker and I don't tolerate as much physical nor mental activities but start feeling sicker. Clever timing for the bug (when I entered this new place and had all the other problems here too) but it's generally so coming at this time of the year (though my problem is different, it just looking somewhat the same for the start and is so from that point maybe but that's not all to it), though I got it in early August already and since then it has been getting bit by bit better with ups and downs and will likely take months before it's more or less gone, though it often lasts years too (bugs and other things could last all one's life also - with ups and downs of variety of lengths or/and any time one is weaker or/and stressed for one reason or the other the immune system or/and the system can't handle all the problems all well - if one's immune system is weakened and/or under much works already. Some bugs and problems might never go passive enough nor die, up to no matter what one's health is, and in some ways more or less of all the bugs are similar to memory stuffs that also do not die but slowly - maybe faster if one more or less kills them physically in the brain - after they have been e.g. suppressed, them generally being then just isolated and will take their time to die there, some suppressed stuffs doing it faster, some slower and can last like 300 years or so while the fastest ones have no limit of how fast they can die, it depending of e.g. how strong they are but not only of that). That bug has the nature of the usual bug at this time of the year but it's different and lasts longer, it being possibly a lighter (it has all the things in it but lighter) but more lasting version, one not necessarily getting up to sick - just semi-sick and weaker - as the immune system can semi-handle it. There might not be a major helping cure for it at this time (antibiotics, one might get sicker as soon as one stops taking them, similar to how this bug is without medications too and it seems it's known that it won't kill those bugs but just prevents the growth of them, though maybe that might passivate them sooner - but does one then heal faster? In case one might be more healthy during the healing process by using medications - though after years tests might not find them, that though might not mean they are not passively somewhere) but it figures best for one to search what it is (e.g. myk[/c]oplasma - up to everyone in Asia might have that bug while in Scandinavia it seems like 10% has it) so it can be found, tested fast and as this is so long lasting(,) to get medications (I will have to wait at least a month before I get any as I am not sick enough, though I might just get the test and just in case medication, rather than using them, but some small possibility that they might actually heal something) as well as just maybe get anti-medications as early as possible every year (that figures not cover this bug and so many have it and only a couple of antibiotics help some and figure to be needed to use for months if not years and might not really cure just help sort of and then one will become more vulnerable to other bugs, that this bug also might make one and one needs to protect like the hands in shops etc. perhaps, as well as not give the bug to others as well as avoid some places where there might be people that have it or one gets it maybe time after time) - even when it's epidemic only every few years - as this kind of stuff could be up to very serious if it more or less won't get more and less healed other than for days and weeks and even months (with medication more likely maybe) but comes back though maybe a bit weaker every time and finally one might not get but mainly weaker any time it happens again. Not sure if it's even good to take medications as there are people who have and I don't see it cures them but many have been sick up to years in spite of them or possibly even because of them if the immunity will not develop as fast because of them. I expect to have my sickness a long time, but as there has been some healing happening bit by bit, I expect to be reasonably okay not later than in six months, then just hoping the last of it will go during the next 6-18 months, though not that these bugs necessarily ever die completely.

Now that I have been tested with normal (after one month) and mykoplasma blood tests (after four months) they say I don't have (nor have had) any bacteria nor mykoplasma, though what I had and still somewhat have is just like mycoplasma and makes it hard for me to believe that it isn't (it's way possible that there has been a mistake in reading or in doing the test or somewhere on the line as it's the usual thing in my life since I started to put or try to put major time on recovery), but it seems it's something similar but not a bacteria but a virus. It started like a "common cold" virus - that I have often had (generally in fall with sore throat that then goes when the nose does its thing] though not really during the last 10+ years - though I had something but it never became anything really - in spite of it usually hitting like everyone one or more times per year as far as I have read). The influenza (virus) seems sure to be with fever while the common cold seems not necessarily to be, like I generally haven't had my common cold with. Though my myco type started with the typical common cold type it was with a lesser sore throat though it might be that I get lesser one's these days or at this age, but it doesn't look like to have been common cold for sure the way it continued (common cold should not last over something like 10, and in cases 20, days), or then I got both at the same time, and as the timings have been so incredible, that would fit in the picture, but I think this thing got into my nose and then went down to my lungs with time and has made it a point to die or so slowly there, and if unlikely, that word has less meaning in my case. It's possible in my case that a common cold has went down to my lungs (it's not supposed to do that or last so long but why not? What's extremely unlikely or even impossible is perfectly possible in my opinion) and that's why it's somehow lasting months. It's also fitting to have the smoking neighbour who seems to cough and seems to leave the window little open when going to work it seems, and lives fittingly just under me combined to the ventilation experience as well as the bad windows vs. his smoking.

And he is noisy during the mornings at least. It would be easy to deal with things like the noise with the neighbours if they would be humans, but as people are, basically nothing one can do as it's legal at least in this country at this time, but the combined situation is not unbearable at this time, just lacking ears, better house aura, better air in many ways. And this flat is still 22C inside with under zero outside without any heating needed to be put on - the ventilation seems to heat my flat also, so not all bad but I am still heading after clear pink and lower rent and hope the best with the rest.

There are a lot of different kind of physical (e.g. cancer) and maybe mental etc. problems the viruses can cause and from some viruses one will not get healed by itself (there is stuff about viruses e.g. in Wiki and also a map of where one might have problems with them in the body it seems and so that plus the one's that do not get healed by itself look like the primary things to check, also one can find knowledge - it seems the only sure alternative to that is to go for a specialist but I wouldn't count too much on that either and one can eliminate possibilities just by reading - and get some tests. I don't think I saw any serious virus stuffs that I could have and I am lost of what I might have - that's lasting this long and is like the way it has been - other than the mycoplasma or some [virus] variation of it (that heals by itself and lasts long, and that's what I might think I have, just can't name it), but it figures that I should just believe that I don't have it. It doesn't look like reasonable to go testing all reasonable possibilities and so I figure to never know as long as this gets fully healed.

The auric problems of any kind as well as any other things that are a load to our system and immune system might produce problems when one is loaded somewhere or sick somewhere in some other ways but will produce less problems when one isn't, e.g. any auric problems in this new flat might not be of major problems if I am not sick otherwise, and maybe one's system gets stronger too with time, though that could be 300 years or so, but often it gets stronger soon to what it can, like one gets better with any new thing fast but then slower and up to extremely slow looking like not at all and one can't be sure if any progress will ever happen after some point, our potentials having up to wall like limitations even up to eternally. At the red core flat I had hot spots (except during the summer aura) that figured being mainly or only a problem of the red core combined to my red spots in my brain, and if I was cool, rested, I felt them less, and so they are not there for all, just that the red core for some will bring up as an additional load some problems that one would not feel or have elsewhere. The red core also had less comfort as all things were less clear, less pure, less felt, and one was under more brain pressure too; so, not a nice place, less so to me because I don't personally have that redness in my system - nor those awareness semi-limitations - and I have some hot spots in my brain as a result of x-unloading the left cool 'energy,' still needing to unload more right hot 'energy' to get things more and more even; unfortunately that's a slower process, that's pretty much all I can say about my remaining life since then, needing to work that hotness too down.

It seems now pretty sure I can't go in the UK as it's based on doings, like ST-type, and I can't go that doings and related personality path as I need to recover the next 200 years or so and those doings won't fit and if they would fit partly, it wouldn't be worth it enough, and they won't fit even as partly as they have a related persona and that is not the recovery persona inside and outside. So, I can't pick my doings though not that they will be all gone but primarily they will be and that's enough for no UK. Malta then but it's too hot and moist to me (and during the winter the inside temperature figures to be the same as outside one and one needs to use electricity or gas to heat it, the latter there figuring to be cheaper. But all-in-all the weather might be rather horrible like that half the year. Similar winter problems are there in much of Mediterranean and one might like some more north place there if the heating is a problem below but not above, though one might rent a place that has some sort of a heater there, or buy some heaters, though it doesn't necessarily mean the temperatures will then be comfortable, just that they might be. Winter cold inside [and outside], summer hot outside and maybe inside, can make it worse than in a better country in spite of the hotter country having up to much the better weather. Adding up to likely noise problems and possible moisture problems, it can be horrible), plus other points against it though otherwise it doesn't have a language learning problem and would in theory be an ideal place to rest but I don't see and feel it like that, and not sure why but as it's too hot and moist it doesn't look like an option anyway. Italy, at least 5 years of language study and working filling all my time there, that would be a loading thing but possible as it fits into my next 200 years in the long run, though my life runs out and it's the older part and no sure things of how bad those later years would be from the Flattings and health point of views. But UK is out, and the next on the list will be Malta and Italy, and technically they are not out yet. The new persona fitting to my recovery future will set in at some point and then I will know with those eyes also and fit it in with the life I have left and with the place of death. If I stick to the persona most fitting in the UK (that is perfect in a way that I have it all clear then), then maybe I go in the UK in spite of not being recovered, as if that is my thing, then maybe no point going elsewhere and I don't think I need so totally 200 years of recovery, though I might but if I still stick to that persona no point going elsewhere as they don't offer enough even if I would do nothing, and I could do that nothing in the UK too, the difference then being less, especially as no need to study Italian. The main question might be where I will spend my next life of doings at, and I can't see a big enough change that my current doings would drop and the place would be taken by some Italian persona living sort of in feelings and enjoying the weather and swimming, though not that I wouldn't like that also, but this planet at this time is not offering me that possibility but I must pick one or the other or some combination of the two (like going in Australia and more or less dropping half of my doings, but I am not going to drop any of my doings, them being to my current doings persona more important than the weather though they don't currently fit in to the picture of recovery and so I might not be able to pick them, except if there is no other way as I will be that, though I have that Italian or so non-doing persona that also makes the awareness larger, me happier, warmer, more nf perhaps, and element of air from the water like UK, so I do have an option but I do still have the doings too and at one time I was thinking I have enough doings in Italy too, but that's not the best, but then if fitting the whole thing under need to recover then I can take the Italian persona with less doings, but how long I need to recover and if I pick the doings persona how does it fit in Italy; well, that Italian or so persona fits there and the other one has there some doings though it can't do all as there isn't all, but then on the other hand it couldn't do all anyway, though it still could get the better things and in the next life it might be heading in the UK to do, leaving me just some old age time in Italy in this life and the young age next life though I might like to spend that young age with doings in the UK though I might not find them but later if even then, but being a persona non-doings itself, is there already, not needing doings). So, maybe I should (try to) go in Italy, spend years for Italian study, but then cool down the rest of the life, have some of my doings that I could do more anyway and so losing only with quality or so but as I could have them enough anyway and life is soon ending and I am old, it should be at least something, and my Italian or so (S-nf) persona would also be liking it, and then if I find my doings in my next life and decide to go for it, I need to learn English and head in the UK perhaps, though there might be other options at that time. But going now in the UK and not being able to do enough until I recover enough (that's still possible but I still would need to recover more and it's not possible with fuller doings) and then be born there and not have the doings for sure, though there is a major possibility I would find them before I am 20, but when unsure if I would find them, from that point also I might better be reborn in e.g. Italy and then see what I find and will pick and it costs learning Italian in this life and English in the next life, while picking the UK now costs nothing and I could do nothing there also. So, hard to say, much depending of the need to recover that though still doesn't mean I can't do anything and in one life I get much done on doings but the recovery is now leading the decision and it already was clear that it fits to the non-doer/less-doer (S-nf) and in the long run the place was Italy though one could non-do in the UK too, just that it's silly as it's not a warm, sunny, S-nf _place for doing recovery. So, recovery leads and in spite of the need to learn more Italian, it seems best to pick Italy. Then, I do have two major personas; one the doer (ST-type) and one the non-doer (S-nf-type), and fitting them in in the recovery picture in the UK isn't possible, while in Italy I still would get some doings and some recovery. And so, picking bother personas plus the recovery priority (though after Italy and Italian) picks Italy, and if not getting there, Malta isn't an option to me as it's too hot, moist and small and the UK would be better, and if it's then the UK (could be late already as I have then given up of trying to get in Italy) or Finland depends of what kind of Flatting I have in Finland, and from that point the likely one is that they will not be good enough and I need to go in the UK (if I don't get in Italy). But I will still think about the persona, picking both personas and the recovery priority sort of up to 200 years and if I accept that picture, then I take some recovery in Finland and then try to get in Italy and if it fails after some tries or I think it's not going to happen for one reason or the other, then I will try the UK and then it's just natural to pick the doings-way and put the recovery as secondary, though my feelings are not for it, the recovery would need to lead, even in the UK, and that too I would need to get in my X-mind.

Emotions have some bases from where they come from and those are pretty well in Sahaja Yoga. Then all the names of emotions are known by like all and they then just need to be put in categories or so. Then some emotions are lighter versions/amounts and when they are stronger or combined to some other(s) they have different names, e.g. love is said to be stronger than a mere friendly connection but still just the same thing (both heart things and then the heart has many other things in it too, plus both positive and negative or so). After those are mapped (those things are basically known in psychology) it's already seen how they connect to our mental lives, and it's not that emotions are God's truth as only on bases they are as they are only senses that say something and they are connectd to the Xmind. On my looking into my future so to say, I have used looking into emotions as they play around the decisions, as well as I have been looking them ever since W&C how they play in my x-mind. Looking into those isn't Buddhism, though they use there looking, but the philosophy is their philosophy

Their cosmology is not true but collected of different facts of spiritual things and there are from major part no rankings and Buddhas are not any higher, them being just one Enlightenment among others and one gets there to top five by having basically just dhyana awakening that's the beginning level of Brahmas

There one also is a Boddhisatt(v)a, having a limited number of lives till one gets the Brahma, and the same goes for the Buddha, it too being then a part of the natural evolution from that point though one can accidentally get them all without dhyana awakening and without anything but being too loaded and need to suppress or/and so them, that being the usual way one gets them. Personally, I think I was born with the dhyana awakening, considering the type of a persona I was, a Seeker who would have been okay with the Brahma or Buddha as being Here, and even getting loads down and ethical stuffs and better emotions would have been a major achievement, something I like to call a Deva/Devi, pointing to the divine ethical nature that one has better then and makes a definite difference there compared to an average human that I don't really put in the same category, though all are humans, but that's not the point really, and even the Devas do not necessarily follow ethics, them being something similar to NF-dominants where it's in their nature but optional, and many STs have stronger ethics but that depends of the person as a huge amount of STs can be trusted and one should try to see though it's difficult and from much part not possible until one knows the person better. The NTs might have the truth but their ethics is shaking because of a weak understanding of emotions where they do not live at and generally have no understanding of emotional ethics - and the F-meaning - that's a sort of a subtle point that needs to be added to the truth or whatever they consider to be the truth of something, while the NFs have the opposite problems and need something to deal with their lacks while to an NT it's enough to get the live ethics and understand emotions and related ethics.

that have it in a larger and more massive ways, while the rest of the Buddha rankings might be about ethics, addictions, deities and all those things are in the 'worlds' of Devas and Brahmas also and the (misunderstood by Gautama/Buddhism) anti-delight, anti-emotions thing in Buddhism is unholy as they are the core and the meaning of life (there is no freedom from any type of desires as they are deities and deities are life), God, Buddhism having just an aspect to add to them as like non-loads, non-addictions. And what comes to other worlds, they are spiritual, mental E/enlightenment states on earth with some pointing to the possibility of higher and lower planets - and births and 'bodies' on earth - based on ethics and E/enlightenments, while desires being related to rebirth has some bases but that's just something. The main fact is that we are Here and there are basically no other worlds and rankings but just states of mind, some things here and there one might change and add in one's personality and Xmind, being. These are all inside the understandings of the awakening about the place called "Here," there being just a few things that are more or less hidden, most things being mainly visible and understandable right here even if it takes some digging to see some things and some thinking to understand some things, and other than the Enlightenments, the rest of the stuffs are mainly in psychology and in ethics that is a system built from facts from much part by thinking, built from bases of psychology and deities, being personal as well as collective. To become a Buddha, the main thing needed is to suppress or/and not used the iNtuitive mind (basically one is an iNtuitive dominant if that is needed), then that dominance will get removed of the x-mind and there will be like nothing on that surface, but the old persona (that still will change because of the surface) is under it and is the major in a way, just that it's not the surface (that's sort of the major, from that point of view). What becomes secondary is the iNtuitive dominance, so it correlates with being a Sensor dominant, with the difference that the old iNtuitive persona is still there similar to having W&C that gives the space to the x-mind, making it a sort of 3D-x-mind, while being a Buddha, it might have its 'evolution' as the old persona going more and more dead and the Sensoric persona becoming clearer as the iNtuitive loads get down, though it depends of what one continues to do after becoming a Buddha and one can basically be any outer persona one wants if one then continues so or even just temporarily: But it's not said that it's just a new surface beginning, the old possibly staying, just something new added similar to other Enlightenments that add something rather than remove something (though in cases one might take the opposite view too as getting Brahma Awareness is not adding something but removing the curtain though that's the same with the W&C partly and the Buddha too but is possibly better to be viewed mainly as adding something though that's (re)evolution while removing something might not be but just getting healthy from being sick or blind that was a product of loads, addictions, habits). But Gautama/Buddhism (both) had a delusion and ignorance about its nature, being like the one and only mad man that thinks all other spiritual beings are something lower and somewhat wrong (similarly like Jesus or so thinking he was the only son of God, or the Hindu or so with dhyana awakening or Brahma thinking he is the E/enlightened one - though he is that too but it's just A/awareness - or the Saint/Religious man thinking he is whatever, as well as the common man thinking that he is this and that because of this and that, all those being called ego or so - ego in psychology is e.g. a function not "ego" - and x-mind and understanding phenomenons and not the whole case); it seems Gautama had that desire of the end of suffering and that's where he went wrong in some ways, it being the major thing for him, what he was seeking (I was seeking Brahma and nothing else). He suppressed the x-mind under that tree and he had been meditating - doing nothing - for years already, and he decided at that point just like up to all other Buddhas did during their life at some point. That's how one becomes a Buddha, not by dropping ten things - e.g. Gautama had not dropped sensual desire as he was still addicted to sex and actively perhaps, and even if he had dropped it/all, the addiction would have been there and so according to ten, he could not have been a Buddha, and actually no one could be, and it's nonsense as a system anyway, those ten from most parts (ideas are more or less okay but they don't relate to the ten system any more than their cosmology does - that's sort of before their this ten system that's sort of the end of it according to Buddhism - that's also a non-system, just ideas being more or less right). Desire is life and all against it are not about against it but against addicted and ill forms of them as well as seeing them all, a separation. The aim is to get them as pure and little addicted as possible as well as being mindful (see, understand) about them. Other than his Buddha, he had mindfulness meditation and ethics (he got a training to those). Buddhism has much stuff like ethics and Meditation things, addictions, balance but those were all known already. To become a Buddha might sort of not be possible without getting x-loads down, getting desires down, having dhyana awakening as one is simply too blind, too busy, too x-loaded, has too little control, too little insight, too little motivation, too little understanding (from observations), to achieve it, but basically nothing else but the suppression of the iNtuitive dominance is needed, and even then it's not that something major has been achieved, just something minor until one really needs it. Being in good shape and having a happy life is the major thing (a part of that is to deal with the desires correctly, to become perfect there and much of that is simply to be the Dharma, get loads down and observe and try to understand one's psychology), the rest being additional achievements like any other achievements and they might be needs for some people but not to most, and in 'heaven' one does not even need them, them being helps when being in 'hell'. Personal suffering, it basically can be put less and less, but one is not free from outer causes of suffering and both psychologically and physically they produce pains, and personally too one is under the laws of the body and deities and not perfect (desires, loads, addictions, observations, understandings; the right life based on Dharma rather than based on one's Xmind and any decrease to relative sufferings come from improvements here) and not free from mistakes (one is never free from ignorance nor dull mind, unintelligence, tamas) and will have sufferings there too, though not as much as a non-Enlightened person in the same outer and inner situation would have and being more blind, less sensitive also decrease suffering and it could be considered to be from some parts a 50-50 thing, that one will always have the same levels of suffering, even by just getting more emotional one gets more intelligent there but also faces more suffering, and if one gets more intelligent generally, the same thing, it making it possible to avoid some suffering but additionally there will be more or different sufferings. Desire is life, deities, and pleasure and its opposite (suffering) are a part of it and so no freedom from sufferings, and pleasures are life and its meaning; to decrease sufferings and increase pleasures (physical, emotional, any; bliss, delight etc.) as long as they are more or less according to Dharma, the total Deities, the whole system, or something will not be happy and will cause sufferings, and one of the main things there is to decrease any wills and addictions that are not in harmony of the whole; to be whole is to be holy (including [like so called - good ones are sort of as bad and good though primary] bad and destructive qualities too when used when right [right amounts, when needed and under the whole Dharma to the relative whole situation] - e.g. physically, mentally, emotionally harming and killing when necessary, though one is not to live with the 'bad' but one needs to 'think' this scientifically like in psychology and not like in religion, and there are more or less subtle things and are a subject of ethical theories, that though are secondary to live Dharma but necessary. There is also the Dharma of bad - the good is the law but it's missing the necessary bad, that's the source of bad-evil when used less rightly, without the whole of the Dharma, and the whole situation, and so all-in-all people need to have good knowledge of the whole ethics as one is not born with the whole system but as a child that needs to be told everything - even to see the base Dharma, and then it gets more detailed and systematic as a structure and psychology and philosophy), that one though can't be that much more now as things take their time as habits and loads and ignorance take their more or less time to decrease and so one is on a path sort of eternal to get and keep what one has.

Being a Buddha has like a 50-50 possibility of not being permanent; and having Brahma Awareness is most likely not going to be there in one's possible next life; and there is some possibility the Kundalini awakening is not permanent though one might be born with it but finally it might remove itself as it seems to be just a help when needed, when the system is under too much load and would get broken otherwise; and then Dharma awakening could go away as easily as the Buddha mind, in this Dharma case being too much of T or/and too much with wrong ethics and so clarity of ethics slowly getting worse, though I have had higher ethics (though not only from the Dharma awakening) over ten years now and it doesn't look like it's going, nor does the Buddha, but changes take a long time (to lose); and the W&C, that seems like the most strong of all to stay and one would need to work hard - practically harder than get the full iNtuitive back to the top - to get the x-mind gap of awareness removed by focusing so hard on non-gaps - that being just the opposite process. To lose things one often needs to work to lose them, just like one often needs to work to get things. But it's not visible that such things would get lost without actively losing them, and so they can be considered to be in theory eternal, just not necessarily as one could try to work them to go away, while it's also possible though less likely, that everything has their memory time, even if it's very long, but finally everything dies, even though some W&C is practised all the time as a natural state, it still not being active work and the memory that keeps it in existence could get weaker with time. What we have left then is the base human, that also isn't anyone as the Xmind too can similarly die and at least in theory become anything, and then we have only the possible soul or so, but it too must then be under the laws of memory, death (like any material and all is material or so), though taking those massive amounts of time that they also have in the religious philosophy in India. Many have been more or less E/enlightened in possible past lives but lost it, and we might have been at plenty high mental, emotional and physical talent levels and E/enlightenment amounts but dropped down, and all it takes is e.g. some brain damage and one's Xmind might change (might take tens of years or more) to that bad or simple that one falls further down. The non-returner or so in Buddhism, if it has any reality in it, is simply about the new being like the Buddha (SN or so) that when one has it there is no coming back (to the old being), and the same goes for the Sakshi and maybe to the Kundalini awakened one, while the Brahma is the least likely to stay (if not getting to zero sex addiction), and that's why the Buddha is more important than just about the Sensor as it might give enough W/wisdom. Dhyana awakening and Dharma awakening might stay. Outer persona is 'hard' to change permanently (not really much of a problem for a Buddha if he just wants and can stay more or less as whatever he wants and can, so it's easy, but up to tens of years it's somewhat as easy to come back to the old outer persona, though it will take some months or even years if having been there for years or tens of years), but that can be worked to change as at the Xmind level it's just about the addictions and it figures to follow whatever the x-mind is doing/being, though genetically there might be another power too working, additionally to that. When the cosmology is made along these lines, it becomes real, just that there are no heavens and hells outside of the 'known' universe and one will be born on this planet most likely and secondarily on some other planet, it being about one's Xmind, not about some place outside it other than what some Xmind tends to have around it. In time but not for anyone of us for about eternity, the universe somewhere just might be more immaterial or othermateria.

- the middle way being just a small part of it and it might mean that e.g. it being about any opposites and keeping them in balance is basically the right way though one is to note e.g. that one might already be more or less at some direction and so need more or less the opposite like fire might need water - and has nothing major to do with the pure psychology of what is and so I would just clean the table and look what is and how it all works (and the origins though some structure in psychology is built from origins. The origins/the birth doesn't look like as complete as the end, just that understanding the ends one might get help from understanding the beginnings. With the emotions there is also the ethical reality and structure. For many decisions one needs both emotions and logic and though it's mainly about logic it's all connected to feelings, except mere logic like mathematics that is a (visual) play with number symbols (Ne/Ti), while thinking is the thinker behind the see-er (N, S) when it tries to identify what it sees (a number's meaning, football near/on the leg with all the specifics whether one is doing it or someone else is doing it plus there might be some "mirror" effect happening at the same time like with all seeing etc.) and that is called understanding (and depends on exact or similar stuff in memory, and deities and senses play their role in understanding, that being the robot we are). NT and ST is mainly mere logic (to identify [factors] is to understand, basically being a sensing-feeling game, aided by memory - and N being a part of this memory function, and the T is the one that does the work to identify different factors [not necessarily feeling factors but 'dry' NT and ST factors too], that being called thinking), though there are some emotions to them too (materials have 'sensoric' feels to them, immaterials have feels to them) that make them feel good (or just feel, 'bad' too), but they put the emotional functions to a secondary place any time one uses them, and any time one lives at/in emotions there is something else but it's not lacking thinking when one is sort of thinking - 'consciously' living - about emotions, but from much part there is a cut between the NT and NF and it's up to radical and complete and they do not exist in the same persona at all as they don't think nor feel nor experience the same way; the NF - or the sensor nf - basically can't deal with the emotional problems in a way an NT can manage them, though generally an NT simply ignores them and continues doing his non-emotional NT-things. What are emotions anyway? They look just like sounds, different kinds of sounds, and might have no meaning different from colors and music, them being just entertainment, and they just seem to have some major significance in them, but might have none at all. But there are things that make any deity/feeling feel good or bad, and that's what they are for, not really for entertainment, but just give information like any sense, and what makes those feelings to alarm, depend on both some bases as well as the Xmind as without understanding there are not that many emotions (some are like the heart in emptiness feeling lonely because of the lack of energy it feels, and when being in any type of a pain or so, or pleasure, we will basically have emotions). And our understanding is not the reality, just our Xmind. Though not that I would make things any complicated but would simply accept the Xmind as reality enough and the feelings as additional senses and them telling (to) me in connection to/with my Xmind (and logic, thinking - to get the picture, understanding, it being like math just that it moves things and not numbers) what might be good or bad for me, and then there is the better living under better picks, that will then have the better feelings with them also and we like better feelings and dislike worse feelings. To not have all is not really that good for/to me because we are emotional (NF, SF), thinking (T, N), sensing (S; Si, Se) (and iNtuitive) beings, especially sensing (S) (though iNtuition is similar) and feeling (F), the thinker being just a worker, something to wonder too why it seems to get pleasure from its doings when it seems not be primarily motivated by NF nor by SF (the SF though it always connected to NT), and at NT it seems to be that it feels better when being clearer about something, while about ST, maybe it just likes to play, though with those players they get it from the nf, there being a feeling to it, but to the liking of mere technique, though it lacks much motivation, feeling and can be considered boring then, until one gets pleasure from the nf also there, but if not (though the ST is always connected to the NF), then it's just simply e.g. technical mastery and indirectly connected to feelings. Swimming or whatever in N could also be considered an S-type of a feeling experience, the pleasure of the depth or so, while the S, surface gives a pleasure of the surface, and I am as much the S-type as I get pleasure (and pain) from the S and the same for the N; I don't like to be under, though I get the pull interest there if I am there, but other than that I get delight from the S surface and feel it sort of uncomfortable to be in the N, like an N feels it uncomfortable to be in the S. I have somewhat a similar problem (it's as it's better, like the N-dominants will need to open the S, not matter what the cost to their Ns will be, it being a matter of life) with the T and F, though it doesn't mean I am as much an F, but the F is stronger in me in some way than it's in a mere NT, because it matters to me more as a result of my increased awareness of emotions and decreased N(T). Decisions are more difficult when one is not clearly something (in itself and relative to others) and it's possible one will not be fitting in very well, but the emotions and one's doings will do what they will do.

Outer personality functions are also a part of these mind things, it being about what functions are usually dominating in our x-mind. Then there are the stuffs from Enlightenments; first the looking itself (perfected at W&C as it's permanent though it's not paying specific attention - that one might X-x-develop as an attitude to understand better - but just is aware), and then there are the energy flows of hot and cold, energy levels at different chakras and on body, and the Xmind as a whole how it can be changed on many ways and the laws of memory/addiction, the illusions of likings when based on outer personality and inner as addictions or even just as so, vs. what one really needs to do liking or not and that too is in some ways in our likings and needs. The body also changes as well as the views and the likings as the outer personality changes or as we pick something (then also the opposite will start to work itself - picking is not so working things as it puts the other non-picked and it already was picked, so the best might be to not pick, if possible), and all changes in the x-mind, chakras, body, produce changes in the mind and body and in what we see, feel, experience because of those changes in the mind and body. Are we immortal? Is A/awareness (the one who sees as so, also called the M/mirror, though not the one is psychology necessarily as that might be happening with everything and then is what the x-mind is about; feeling, being - being is the core of altered states and is happening sort of all the time - maybe more so with the Ns and they might have more control over the x-mind. Putting it in a funny way like they do in physics, it could be said that when we see etc. we too get seen etc., them being a sort of one and the same as far as that x-box goes, being in the same picture) outside too? It seems it's invisible and can be seen only when enough energy hits it or it contains enough some vibrations one can feel, whether those come form oneself or from others, and I don't think they just stay on nothing like things in physics often does (I don't think so), then some have been outside the body with the awareness and I tend to believe some of those stories and see the bases for such a possible happening. But that is still just Awareness and it's empty of soul and Xmind, just connected to memory,maybe x-mind, and when the body is dead, so is the soul, the Xmind until it's proven otherwise, and the feel for feeling good that one will not die is not good enough as one psychologically will feel bad about the death and good about the opposite, and mind tries to keep us at positive (or in the middle as not too depressed and not too blissed, not too positive, not too negative) as we want to feel good and so unconsciously will pick the good (feeling) and our mind is even able to cheat us up to top well to drop the views that make us feel too bad. To be able to see if one is still aware with the Xmind when the body is dead, is not possible, though in theory there might not be any possibility of information when one comes back from death and if so, then we have a soul and that is part of Awareness and somehow remains a part/limited area of it and moves separate of it though being a part of it. Though the stories of people seeing dead people is where I cut the line and won't believe it as there is no body (only physical bodies have faces etc.), no place (where are they materially, structurally? And why and what do they do there. I don't see there is anything and they don't see anything but just light and feel something like one would feel and see in Brahma Awareness and so, so it's all parts of those and imagination and fiction stories, and it's not that one should believe it this way either but try to see and understand the facts) and no sense (e.g. those people would be long reborn). The whole other side thing just doesn't make any sense and I draw the line to Awareness and some imaginations, visions released by the mind (right side of the brain with feelings more close when the activity of the other side or so is slim [the left side of the brain might be just logic etc., having no feelings but is just involved in feelings too], and it's all brain activity whether the current instruments show it or not and one can get into those with many kinds of mind manipulations too) in some situations (and it does stuffs when in situations even in ordinary life in ordinary ways). Some have also felt dead people (the ones who see them have some mental bug or when they see them in their visual mind only, it's just imagination) and that's only because we can feel what we think or so about (one can produce that). And combined to the Xmind and loads, also in the light of genes (outer personality etc.) and sucking from parents (when I was in most subtle Buddha so to say, early there and deep unloading, I saw how one can suck the whole of one's inner persona - and outer too as a by product though one can bet it's about genes as the base - from parents or/and anyone near then as one is so empty and sensitive that that can only suck, it being its destiny. So, that's basically what I know about if we have an immortal soul or not, and without any likings or dislikings one way or the other, it looks like 50-50 to me, that though is not a satisfactory end result but must be known for sure or at least much closer than 50-50; one might need to e.g. go "deeper" with the Brahma Awareness to just possibly figure one is the spirit-awareness, but I don't see that is going to happen as even if one is more like so, it's just Awareness. But the 50-50 is realistic and is based on loads and other Xmind stuffs one is born with as well as to many people's experiences of being outside of their bodies and so (though not that I think they all are real or so), it being likely enough and knowing Awareness (and W&C, and e.g. the Kundalini, sort of - nothing so much to do with this). All those have also stuffs that make it possible that they can happen but we are still mortals, and that puts us to 50-50 and it's possible that they might both be more or less the case as material things do not happen without more or less 'spiritual' things, and 'spiritual' things are material things.

I don't see there is anything one can alone do about it, but would need to use some medical stuffs to have any possibility and even then one might have just "imagined" it as the right side of the brain and deeper and specific things of the brain are encountered or/and so. And so, that's it and we will not know in our current state of evolution, and the result of that will be a lack in motivation, though one can be in good action or just in clearer S, to have the joy of existing, there not being up to any lack visible as one likes it and the doings and it's dominating the x-mind like any activity that dominate and one is more or less not seeing other things. But at this time of evolution being in clearer S and so out of the worry area, in life, seems like the best thing to do; to just live. Philosophy etc. mental livings are absolutely non-acceptable, one needing to live outside of such minds, in clearer S and have a simple, clear, base life and any thinking is dominantly sensoric, though one might live in feelings of NF - and SF - as well as live in NT-doings with up to no existential bothers, those also being possible, rather than make the theoretically one and only hole in our existence the center attention. In some clearer S, with the T or the F, and even in NF of S-nf type of emotional delights and livings one is having that sort of a life and it has a motivation in it as delight basically, it taking care of itself, the lacks on motivation that one is possibly going to die, being secondary when one is in more or less "ecstacy" of living. Then if the existence wants to kill us, then it does that, we not having existed than a small time and might as well stop existing if that's what existence is, making one's life then just fit into that possible picture also, adjusting, and that's what our being is reasonably good at doing even if it needs to cheat and brainwash us to get us in a state of mind that's most optimal for the situation. Life as short as we have has so little significance that it shouldn't matter but one better find the patience to live it through without bothering too much that one is going to end up like totally dead, just adjusting, and the delights there are, that one can live, though not that they matter anything, being just delights, sort of dreams just existential and real, life, that being our life and we at this time can't know more than that, more than what we are and what life is, and then we will just have to adjust our minds into a life that has a physical and possibly an Xmind death too. And that's all I can do to deal with the situation; to adjust my Xmind to the facts of death, like to any situation in life that I have to live through that has their aspects of pains and lacks of better life, getting only what ever there is left and if that is not more than the pains in the long run (with adjustments and better futures in this life or the next) and there is no reason to continue further as so, then one can always end it all, that being the possibility we have been given. And then if the Xmind survives, it's just back doing this same thing as we are doing now, eternally. But we have our beings and the life around; we can know and be it all and that is life and living and it exists because it likes to exist and even if it would be with more pains, life would try to make us think otherwise, so it-we can continue to exist. The only thing we have is the life we are and are in, and being that in a best way possible, is life and eternity and there is not to be any primary questions but primary living, and being in life, there is no death, just life. Under the bliss and doings of life, maybe one can even get the factors of death as other bad things in life adjusted under the goods of life; when those pain factors are more, we don't like life that much, and when they are less, we have some bad things in life but are okay as we have more or enough bliss and interesting doings, and so in the whole picture living with the bads of life too, but as relatively happy, and in case the bads are more, then one has to question if it's worth to continue the life, but generally to drop out too early is a lose as there are things one can improve and maybe get one's life too better so it becomes something worth living based on delights, that are the meaning of life (all is based on emotions), the only reason to life outside of getting more and more rid of pains, that being the other side or so of it.

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